Venus

Lesson learnt

2010-11-23T15:15:00.002+08:00

Today, someone taught me an important lesson. I was amazed by his way and thought nevertheless. His well written thought give me somehow a positive way into looking at the problems that slowly surface and buried me underneath.How i wish i will become stronger, physically and mentally. I wish this somehow is the turning point for me. I vowed to myself to fight this no matter what. I just need trust, believes and prayers.

I realised i have people that will supports me. Family and closed friends. Not many but that will do. To strive for excellent and overcoming each and obstacle. As long as we stick together nothing else matter. Fuck the world, and we will live. Brave your heart and throw all the problem aside.

BUT, sometimes, the problems throw me aside. Leaving me hurt and untreated
Sigh *:)

Lies and apology

2010-11-10T15:45:00.000+08:00

I am a social misfit. I don't think i fit in anywhere. And i thought lying was the best solutions. But, one lesson i learnt hard. It is wrong to lie. It only got worst when you are busted. People try their best to keep up with you. Until at a point, they can't do it anymore. They are sick of it and they hope for you to change. Still, i don't. It gets harder and harder for me. It is like a disease. And i am sorry. Way sorry. From now on i will try my best and change for the better. I promise to myself. If i can excel in anything this would be a piece of cake. I hope so.

Love,
Xuen Adyla

Melodi Hati Gundah

2010-06-28T00:21:00.004+08:00

Sejak kebelakangan ini, entah mengapa aku rasa sedih. Seperti separuh nyawa aku hilang, terbang melayang. Hati aku sakit. Hampir juga manik-manik putus dan berjuraian turun di sisi pipi. Persoalan demi persoalan menyesak fikiran aku. Menyesak menyemak dan memberi satu impak yang pasti, perasaan ingin tahu yang melonjak-lonjak. Hari demi hari tidak kira sebanyak mana aku senyum, khabarkan berita dan status yang gembira ceria, menonton kartun hampir 24jam, ambil gambar sebanyak mungkin, membaca separuh gila aku masih lagi tidak tahu jawapan kepada persoalaan aku. Makin bertambah banyak. Jika dulu, selonggok tetapi aku pasti itu semua sudah berubah. Menjadi himpunan masalah sebesar Gunung Himalaya yang utuh tak mungkin runtuh ditiup angin taufan sekalipun. Semua permasalahan menjerit-menjerit meminta perhatianku.

Tidak sekalipun aku luangkan masa menjawap persoalan tersebut. Aku sudah tanyakan pada semua tetapi jawapan yang diberikan berlainan. Aku makin pening sakit kepala memikirkannya. Aku kadangkala berusaha menyembunyikan masalah aku diam diam di satu tempat agar mungkin satu hari akan kulupakan. Sebaliknya, satu demi satu menghantui aku kembali. Sekalipun aku pelajar yang cemerlang tetapi tidak mungkin aku dapat rungkaikan permasalahan yang satu ini. Apabila yang menjadi taruhannya ialah perasaan dan persahabatan.

Namun begitu, sampai bila aku harus pura-pura aku tidak tahu sedangkan sebahagian daripadanya bagaikan virus-virus kecil yang memamah hati aku bagai kanser yang semakin hari membesar. Aku perlukan rawatan dengan segera. Tetapi yang aku kesali tidak sekalipun dia menghulurkan pertolongan. Aku dibiarkan terkontang kanting sendirian. Aku semakin tenat diasak sebegini. Aku berterus terang dengan segala persoalan yang aku lengah-lengahkan untuk dijawap tadi dengan analisis yang teliti. Dan aku sampai kepada konklusinya yang aku pasti benar tatkala segala bukti datang tanpa bawah sedar.

Kini aku pasti dan aku tidak akan membohongi perasaan aku semata-mata. Aku sudah mengambil keputusan menjalankan pembedahan untuk membuang kanser yang semakin membesar itu. Aku sudah bersedia untuk memulakan sesuatu yang baru. Dan persetankan nilai persahabatan itu kerana seperti aku sahaja yang berpegang kepada nilai tersebut. Persis isteri nelayan yang setia menunggu tetapi nelayannya tak pernah pulang. Aku tolak dalam- dalam dengan segala sisa kekuatan yang ada walaupun pahit untuk aku lakukan.

Buat ketika ini, aku rasa keseorangan walaupun dikelilingi manusia. Jangan kau persoalkan mengapa kita bukan lagi sahabat! Kau ada jawapannya. Dan jika kau tanyakan kepada aku, aku tidak akan bagitahu. Biar kau analisa sendiri dan putuskannya. Biar kau rasakan apa yang aku rasakan. Aku tidak berdendam cuma ini satu pelajaran dan peringatan tatkala kau berfikir untuk mengulanginya sekali lagi. Aku tidak lemah. Tidak seperti kamu yang memperkudakan aku demi kepentingan sendiri. Menjadikan aku hamba kepada permainan kau. Aku kini sudah merdeka. Dan kau masih di penjara. Dan di sudut itu. Kau akan mati dalam tembok yang kau bina sendiri. Aku akan menjadi saksi. Satu hari nanti.

Dan kau yang bernama masalah, kau tidak lagi menakutkan aku kerana aku tidak berpegang kepada nilai persahabatan yang kau persetankan. Aku adalah perempuan yang kau tidak patut perlekehkan. Tiada lagi istilah kawan antara kita berdua.

Separuh beban aku hilang tatkala ini sampai ke penghabisannya. Kawan bukan kawan bila kau dipergunakan. Ingat. Jika kau di tempat aku yang dahulu, majulah kerana kau berhak menerima lebih baik dari persahabatan yang penuh dengan kepura-puraan.

Yesterday To Be Cherish, Birthday Full With Love

2010-06-24T17:50:00.002+08:00

A year wiser :D

I love me. And I love birthdays. I love MY birthday, specifically. I feel special, loved and well, all the positive things in the world. I'm the happiest girl alive whenever it's 23th June. I love being showered with love and attention. It's the day that I truly realized that I meant something to others. And, I thank you all for all those beautiful texts, IMs, and messages on FB, Myspace & Twitter. They kept me smiling all day long,it was wonderful. So,thanks everybody, you guys are such sweethearts. You know who you are. Love y'all.

Failure

2010-06-11T14:03:00.004+08:00

My mission to find my dream catcher had failed miserably. Apparently there is no shop selling it here for the moment and to book it will take months and seriously will cost me a lot. Thanks to Secret Drifter for kind comments. Really appreciate it.

And on Wednesday, i went to the gym with Shamini. Its a hell lots of fun. We talked a lot while working out. She vomit at the end of the session and claim she throw up fat. Funny indeed. And yet it is fun. I was looking forward to another session with her again. If there is another. Otherwise i will be going to the gym with my Mom. Cool right? And we can have one of those Mummy and Daughter session.

As for Thursday, we went to the shopping mall. My brother and i had lotsa fun there. And we went to lingerie session where we see this transgenders. I tell you he look hots. With boobies and round butt. Eyh, its a she then right? Confusion. Huhu.

As Friday, which is today, i checked my result. And my pointer drops. Not happy thoughts and way negative bout it. But i love this comments of someone. Look.
Thanks Rashed! I love it. It somehow make me less miserable and lil happier and it make my day. I love you much Haha :D P/S: Syed gf, do not kill me okay? Failure hits me hard. Mummy says awch when she saw my result. I have B. Ewhhhhhhhh and a minus sign besides it. T_T

Dream Catcher

2010-06-06T21:04:00.003+08:00

I think i need a dream catcher badly. Having bad dreams. Am seriously worried over the result which will be coming out on June 10th.

Is going to hunt for dream catcher tomorrow. And going to disturb my brother and force him to come along. I kinda worried about something else. Which i can't really relate or reason why. That is because it is none of my problem and that person never come to me crying so i guess it is going to turn up just fine.

Excited to look for the dream catcher. Can't wait. LOLx

I call it a REMINDER!

2010-05-30T22:58:00.004+08:00

Note to myself.
Do not make stupid stuff like; do i have to start?
You know that Xuen!
Hahah

Dear, dear you.
Next time you want to display a body part of mine to a whole crowd, according to your whim and fancy, I suggest you start with the waist up.
Because you know, I never have liked my legs anyway. It's always been the lower waist that is despised more. Always has and always will be.
Not long enough.
Not lean enough.
Not the right size.
Not supposed to look, that way.
So thanks for making Cameron Diaz's legs look that much more beautiful now compared to mine. You did a great job in making me feel awesome, and I'm sure you know that, right?
You don't swear remember, Xuen.

Owh yeah reminder which i think ought to be post up here. Since i have the forgetful syndrome this will sure help me from time to time. :D

Is Back For Good..

2010-05-30T03:32:00.002+08:00

Its been almost a month since last time i blog. Sorry for not updating. I know you guys miss me.
(youbetterdoorelseimgonnakillya) hahah. I have a very good reason thou. First, i had examination and seriously i need to struggle to maintain my CGPA of 3.88. I just got to maintain it. I have an obsession of seeing an A in my slip and i thought i might just faint if i see a B. so thats it. Secondly, my laptop which i nickname Sasuke because its brand is Toshiba (i figured out it could use some Japanese name instead) had got himselh infected with viruses and had to be formatted. And yay! i just formatted it a week ago. Thirdly, i was having an emotional breakdown. I thought by that time it is no use rambling of your sadness here because if you read it one day you might just get whole lot sad and hell yeah depressed. So there you go. Reasons..HAhaha

Good news is everyone, i am back for good. And i make sure its gonna be so freaking lots of exciting stories that will sure not to bored you to death. Seriously. And i am thinking, of renovating the template. Hurm, thats lots of work. I hate commitment. Damn! Anyway, yeay Xuen, you just begin to write back! And i think my fingers are fat nowadays, seriously. So, it could use little work out.

This post here are the sign that i am still alive! Long live Xuen! time to go now. Taaaaaaaaaa~~ lovelies.

He's gone with the wind..

2010-04-05T08:50:00.003+08:00

Going down memory lane again. Once he said, on February 12,

DoN'T worRy.. Sy kn ad :p

And now he's gone. And i'm worried. And he's not here anymore. I miss you. The old you. The new one sucks. Memories, what can i say. Taa~ lovely

Memory 1

2010-04-03T22:04:00.003+08:00

I miss text messages. No one texted me anymore. Yes, in a way i save money on credit but i feel alone. No one to talk to.

I am not going to question anyone of you in my contact list. You guys are busy, i know. I am the substitute when you are bored. I get that. Its fine with me.

Oo.. Ye2 i love u 2 drlg..

Argh, moments. I miss you. The old you. The new one sucks!

Stop Crying!

2010-04-02T21:17:00.002+08:00

I haven't cries for 3 years already. But this week, i have cried twice. What had happenned? Don't cry.

Dear me,
Stop crying, please!
Im going to be okay!
This is just a phase.
It will pass.
You know it is going to pass.
Or you have to fight for it.

Come on,
You are a fighter girl.
They can say what they want to say.
It doesn't matter.
If your barriers or dam breaks,
You can always built new one.

You are strong,
You have chocolate and ice cream.
And it doesn't matter.
The world is temporary.
It just words.
Stupid hurtful words.

There is nature to fascinate you.
You can shout like you always do.
Bath in the rain and cries;
no one will know.

Go out and stares at the sky,
Count the stars,
Walk up and down the stairs,
Listen to song,
Hit hard at the keyboards as if its the piano.

Theres a lot of things you can do,
You see, thats why you!
Yes, you.
Will be okay.

Lets wear your war suit,
Put your armour,
Hold on to your sword,
Put the shovel and start bulding,
The fortress as tall as the sky.

You going to be okay.
You are strong!
And do not cry Xuen Adyla.
Please, stop crying!

Smile you gonna be okay.

The Election Result

2010-03-31T00:13:00.002+08:00

I would like to express my big thank you for all who voted for me during election. I love you all. Thanks for coming to the manifesto and cheering up for me. I never campaign much but i really am bewildered to see that you guys had voted for me. Sincerely, from my bottom of heart i will can never thank you enough. God bless you all. I love you guys lots and lots not for voting me but trusting me to be the next DiPAC UiTM Kedah high committee.

To all the ex- DiPAC Exco thanks for everything that you have done for us last semester. I miss you guys. Your sense of humour, smile, faces, taunts and what more the memories that we had together. I would like to said that i am sorry if there is anything that i said, done that hurt or such an eyesore to you guys. You guys are the best. Dear Abang Rahman, what can i say except for thank you for helping me out with lots of proposal and stuff. I owe you lots. And thanks for compromising and also being patience when dealing with me.

I hope the new high committee will be just great and fun and lively like the rest of you. And i will not forget each and every single of you who has helped me out, directly or indirectly.

With much hugs and love,

Xuen Adyla

I dont need you, Gf!

2010-03-21T22:31:00.005+08:00

I hate when someone talks behind me. That goes for you. And i dont even consider you friends anymore! I hate you so called girlfriends! I dont need one for each and every time all you guys did are back stabbing, criticizing and gossiping about me. Owh make it a headline on your facebook status. Like i doesnt know it was for me. To top it off you team up with someone and laugh the heck bout it! Things happen back then when i am so immature. But yet, you asked me to forgive and forget. Hell yeah i did. But did you?

I swear it hurts to see your face still on my friend list. I dont have hard to delete you off it because as usual you guys will make a scene and i am going to be blame again! I am the black sheep often sacrifice due to many evil purposes. And you consider yourself to be witty and charming and you are on the right path. Yes perhaps.

I hate when you called me. Pretending to be okay or apologizing. Gah, i dont know because i am too hurt to answer your call. I know what is coming up next. I hate to see your face smiliing wickedly in front of me and when i asked you claim it not for me when you inte4ntionally put up for me. Shitty. You master the art of acting.

I hate when you YM me. In turn i know i am to be question. For personal question that you know i loathe to answer. Hell, you force me too. All this while i thought i can mend those shattered mirror only to realise all the smaller pieces have turn into dusk. I am not perfect and will never be. I may lie about it in past but not doing it now. Whats your issue against me?

I have built this fortress ages and it is destroyed in just one night. I could not trust you anymore. You shattered my trust my dignity once. I had given you chances to repent. But still it was the same. I am not going to let you walked on me twice because it would be foolish if i let myself. Therefore, you are not my friend anymore. But that doesnt make you my enemy either. You are a stranger to me.

From this day onwards, i am not looking forward to whatever you have to said because i am deeply hurt by you. I decided to undergoes an operation which is to eliminate you from my heart. You doesnt deserves any kind thought. I am not going to fake that i like you anymore. Because i never do like you anyway. To those things you have done towards me, well it manage to hurt my dignity. Good job well done!

You will now be addressed as ghost from past. And i dont have a friend whom i called girlfriend like you. You know who you are. And i know you are reading this. I am not be on par with you by naming you. Its a disgrace for me to even name you in my beautiful blog.

To dear bloggers friends. This is a very immature yet emotional kind of writing. I just have to jot it down to release my stress. It makes me happy anyway. To dear me, you will be okay! Trust your heart. You doesnt need her!

Prince

2010-03-18T12:21:00.002+08:00

A friend of mine ask me a question. "What is it like to have a prince charming?" I look at her, straight in the eye and said " Well, i dont know. Because i never had once before." She look at me, laugh and said i gotta be kidding her. And when she saw my serious face she apologize and began changing the story.

I guess this question is getting famous. But truth be told i have no idea on how to answer the question. I never did master this particular topic. What was it supposedly you feel when you are in love. Was it mutual? Or was it high like you are taking drugs. I dont know. And being asked this kind of question really suffocates me. It really does. And people are assuming that i am lesbian. Huh?

Have you met a prince?
NO!

Perhaps i cross path with him.
But i never do feel like others have describe.

Did you EVER feels?
YOU can’t breathe when you talk to him,
YOU can’t breathe when you touch him,
YOU suffocate when you’re away from him,
So much love you take from him,
YOU are going out of your mind?
NEVER!

A prince never exist in my dictionary,
I dont know how he supposedly to look like,
Is he supposedly make you feel like a princess?
Prince is just a 6 alphabet words.
Maybe one day,
The prince will find its way.

Someday.
:)

And Finally An Update...

2010-03-17T22:44:00.003+08:00

I am still alive. Worry not. Have you guys miss me? Well i miss you guys lots. And hope each and everyone of you is fine and happy. I havent had the chance to update due to hectic schedule. Emotional breakdown occur and several things too. But i manage to overcome it all.

I shall not bring up any matter. I shall forget and forgive. And i shall move on. Anyway, i am running for DiPAC election to elect new exco. I am not really into this but am thinking to do my best as my coordinator and several seniors and classmates puts high hope. I shall not let them down.

Am looking forward for this Saturday as my first event, Together Everyone Achieve More (T.E.A.M) finally running. It is a motivational talks and also to instill the student general knowledge on how to complete their assesment. Cool right. Might look simple but hell lotsa works.

I got to go now. Need to study for examinations. Taa lovely. I love you guys. Lotsa.

Are You Game?

2010-02-08T22:33:00.002+08:00

The mistrust game. Spin the bottle around and splash splash. One rule. When you get splash its not funny perhaps . Are you game?

I learn a funny game back in secondary school. Which i never played but i was the observant person. The one who watch and analyse. I hate how it was played thou. But i think everyone here, back in my place, uni do plays this game. Interesting. So far i am not tempted to play the game but till today i think i am game for it. Therefore, i am playing it.

The ever famous game of bitching. Yeah! But. When i think twice, thrice and so forth it is truly not worthwhile. Although i am game i rather not. Because i hate to be on par with them. Down down there. No game for me.

I just have to say something. Rubbish. Hahaha

University Election

2010-01-20T00:29:00.000+08:00

Having a hard time to sleep. And am shame to admit that i do feel tired this few weeks. With the university election coming up. Hurm, there is lots to do. The poster, the badges, the picture, the talk and everything. People look up to me and said i am superwoman. But i began to doubt it. I can't push myself no more. I am tired, imsomnia and also feverish.

Aiman asked me to take a break. But i guess, one you manage to get yourself into quicksand its either you fight for your survival or drown in it slowly but surely. Had Mandarin meetings, Debate Club meeting and also English Club Meeting. Owh my Diploma in Public Meetings too. *sigh* Lots of events. I have little time for myself or anyone else.

Anyways, i was hoping that i am fully cured and geared up for the busy weekends ahead of me. Aiman, i thank you for burning my spirit up when im all burned out. Thanks for those kind words and support. What can i ask more from God except for a good bestfriend like you?

Owh wait! God i need a boyfriend. Hahahah. Please grant me my wish. This pathetic attempt of asking a boyfriend are due to i hate people asking where's mine. I don't freaking have one. I know i know! Shut up Gege!

Message From Gege..

2010-01-18T23:59:00.001+08:00

Just fin attending my Mandarin Club meeting.
I do look cute in the slide show.
Like brilliantly cute..
Hahahah because it wasn't candid.
Love it..
Steven Gege text message me.

Xuen,
Take good care of Papa.
Take good care of Mama.
Take good care of Richard.
Take good care of my belongings.

Gege, i doubt myself.
I can't even look after ME!
How can i look after everyone else.

I surely have bad instinct bout this.
Steven gege wo ai ni!

Vanilla Twilight

2010-01-17T13:34:00.001+08:00

Vanilla Twilight- Owl City
Its a lovely song to listen to,
if you are missing somebody.

Came across this video on youtube. A great one. Love it. Hope you guys like it too.

Lyrics:
The stars lean down to kiss you
And I lie awake and miss you
Pour me a heavy dose of atmosphere

'Cause I'll doze off safe and soundly
But I'll miss your arms around me
I'd send a postcard to you, dear
'Cause I wish you were here

I'll watch the night turn light-blue
But it's not the same without you
Because it takes two to whisper quietly

The silence isn't so bad
'Til I look at my hands and feel sad
'Cause the spaces between my fingers
Are right where yours fit perfectly

I'll find repose in new ways
Though I haven't slept in two days
'Cause cold nostalgia
Chills me to the bone

But drenched in vanilla twilight
I'll sit on the front porch all night
Waist-deep in thought because
When I think of you I don't feel so alone

I don't feel so alone, I don't feel so alone

As many times as I blink
I'll think of you tonight
I'll think of you tonight

When violet eyes get brighter
And heavy wings grow lighter
I'll taste the sky and feel alive again

And I'll forget the world that I knew
But I swear I won't forget you
Oh, if my voice could reach
Back through the past
I'd whisper in your ear
Oh darling, I wish you were here

Saya Sayang Awak!

2010-01-16T23:09:00.001+08:00

3 patah perkataan.
Pendek tetapi bermakna.
Saya sayang awak.

Aku cakap dekat dia.
Weyh aku sayang kau la.
Dia cakap mana ada orang cakap macam tu.
Kena cakap saya sayang awak.

Aku tanya ada beza ke?
Dia cakap tentulah ada.
Kena cakap saya sayang awak.
Bukan i sayang you.

Aku gelak-gelak.
Ada- ada je dia ni.
Dia pun gelak - gelak.
Cakap baru romantik.

Aku demam kena masuk air.
Dia pergi makan dekat kedai.
Aku telefon mengadu dakit.
Dia cakap jangan ingat sangat.

Aku gelak - gelak.
Sambil tahan sakit.
Menitik air mata.
Nak terkucil pun ada.

Dia gelak - gelak.
Bila aku bagitahu dia.
Aku nak pergi toilet.
Dia suruh panggil doktor.

Kadang - kadang aku terfikir.
Mungkin, mungkin aku rindu dia.
Dia selalu kata.
Dia rindu juga dekat aku.

Bila aku nak letak telefon.
Dia cakap saya sayang awak.
Aku diam, berhenti gelak.
Kemudian aku pun jawab saya sayang awak juga.

Aku kanak - kanak.
Dia bagai gula -gula bagiku.
Manis dan buat aku gembira.
Saya sayang awak juga.

Setulus Jiwa

2010-01-10T23:30:00.001+08:00

Dan jiwa menarikan tarian;
Setulus jiwa

Aku penat untuk berdusta
Kali ini kubiarkan hati untuk berbicara
Madah yang tersimpan kemas
Dan kali ini setulus jiwa

Kosong dan perit
Bohong kalau aku kata aku gembira
Dusta kalau aku kata aku suka
Tipu kalau aku kata tak mengapa

Pergi dan tak kembali
Tanpa khabar tanpa berita
Tidak jua sekelumit kata
Aku terpinga luka

Busuk-busuk pun 'sms' kan ada
Tapi ada kau guna?
Alih alih kau diam
Aku? Pernah kau fikir bagaimana?

Aku tak sanggup mengemis
Aku masih kaya
Aku bukan pesimis
Aku rasa teraniaya

Aku ingat kata akhirmu
Selamat Tahun Baru
Dan aku rasakan
Gurauan itu mimpi ngeri
Bermula tatkala tahun baru menempah derita

Setulus jiwa aku,
Lenggok tari indah ni,
Akan ku tari,
Seorang diri.

Tertanya- tanya mengapa? Setulus jiwa mengambarkan betapa sakitnya persahabatan tatkala ianya di dusta. Tapi persetankan, dari bertemankan syaitan, lebih baik sendirian. Hati jiwa satu irama yang senada rentaknya.

Moving Ocean

2010-01-07T23:34:00.000+08:00

H to the 2 to the O

I've never liked using the water dispenser. I've had this slight disturbing nudge like a silent finger that pokes me when the though of an unknown person drinking from the same filter hits my head.

Last Sunday, when my water bottle ran out of my own H20, I had to use- the general filter. And I realised that whenever the need to; neeeed arises I feel a whole lot more comfortable letting the water run a little while before actually filling up my bottle again.
And of water, I bring two bottles to school. Yeah, I've got the whole-
"Isn't your bag- heavyyyy?"

"Whoa, you drink alot of water, huh?"

And from the eversoshort boy who is 191 cm in longitude-
"Don't drink so much water, Adila. You're going to grow shorter. Know the gravitational earths pull? ;p"

*Adila looks down* "Whaaaat Faez? I'm sorry I can't see you, but that's okay- you'll grow ;p"

This new trainee teacher walks in and we have to introduce ourselves.
Yana : Hey, Adila you better warn her about your frequent toilet trips.
When it comes to my turn;
Adila : Hi, my name is Adila and I have a small bladder. So in the future I might be asking you if I can go to the toilet quite often because- uhh my bladder is small (:

After a while, she asks
"Is there any rules I need to know about this class?"
Faez : Yeaaaah, you have to let me and Adila go to the toilet quite often.
*Woots* :D

Memories... Daa lovely.

L E T T E R S , , ,

2010-01-06T23:03:00.003+08:00

5 letters...
Simple yet isn't that soothing..
And to forget, hurts...

We can always say sorry, but sorry doesnt erase what you did to people. It have different ways to a person. A trust broken wont be the same anymore. Takes time to built. Sorry, isnt the words proper utter. And sorry, forget and forgive takes time.

Dear bff,
Thousands words to say.
Thousands picture left untaken.
Thousand action undefine.
Thousand smiles to share.

Dear bff,
Millions memories.
Millions teddies.
Millions text messages.
Millions phone calls.

Not the same as seeing you in flesh.

Bitter is my middle name now. Mixing, complicating, hurting is mean games. Caught in one isnt that fun. Someday, when its over we laugh because its just Silly Billy in corner.

2010 A Nightmare!

2010-01-05T23:59:00.000+08:00

To actually lost a bestfriend for second time. Hell,its hurt. Letting go seems to be impossible.

I miss my bestfriend. Damn Aiman! Do you really have to go? I badly miss you dude. Lots. I was hoping that you come back! I have no one to share my problem with. Or was it because i dont trust anyone else? They dont get me like you do. They dont like the word chill we use to utter. It just different. To start new seems to be impossible. The burden seems to be unbearable.

Dear Aiman, to top it of i have to attend classes with strangely scary and killer type of lecturer. I loathe it. And the time never seem to pass and stuck in this timeline. I am alone and scared. I dont think i know how to figure out stuff. It is never the same without you. To actually listen to words that sometimes i take as "cooler" which is at time doubtful and might seems not sincere at all but it always have the soothing effects.

I know i can always text you or just give you a call, but it is not the same as seeing you in person. And i am faking that i am chilling which probably you know when i said i move on and keep up and stuff. You are getting busy and so do i. And we are forbid to went out of campus. How sad and stressful. I wish, you will realise you have better chances here with us then at your new place.

Nevertheless, i wish you all the best and pray for your success. 2010 is definitely a nighmare without you. I couldnt help but cry. You know all about the flu stuff, i admit i make it up just to mask the feeling that i have been crying lots. Stuff that hurts. Seniors that are daunting. Hope that came crashing down. Pray that i survive!

I Need A Big Bear Hug

2009-12-27T00:00:00.000+08:00

Sadness seems to be clouding me.

Hugging has no unpleasant side effects and is all natural. There are no batteries to replace, it's inflation-proof and non-fattening with no monthly payments. It's non-taxable, non-polluting, and is, of course, fully refundable.

How about giving me a big bear hug today?

Taa lovely. Xoxo, Xuen Adyla

Christmas And Sleepover..

2009-12-26T22:03:00.000+08:00

I have something that restraining me from blogging. I wont lie. Since i learn psychology and practising it i tend to get too involved with the patient feeling. Yes, i am well supervise by my teacher. But, it tend to cloud me when the dark creeps in.

Christmas is being celebrated. Full of colors and happiness to. Its the day of giving. I walked upon the street and stumbled upon the unlucky one. Cant help but only pray for them. Indulging myself with it. Reading a few books regarding the case. Cant tell much. A patient privacy thou. Owh ya, i been doing great regarding my examination. On a dean list with 3. 88. Happy.

Had a sleepover. It was a blast and lotsa fun. New friends are great but missing the old one too.

Nanato, i miss you.

Wishing a great Christmas to all my friend. Till then, take good care of yourself. I love you guys, lots.

Taa, lovely.
Xuen Adyla

Aku dan Kehidupan

2009-12-25T23:32:00.001+08:00

Aku saja tetiba gatal nak update. Hahaha. Lepas tu, tak ada idea. Entah page sapa aku godek- godek tadi jumpa pula pertandingan.Masuk sahaja. Hahahaah. Ni pertandingan tu.

Sila lawat vrdesign87.blogspot.com untuk info yang lebih padat.

Aku dan kehidupan. Aku rasa ianya sesuai untuk gambar ni. Banyak haluan yang aku boleh pilih. Kadang - kadang aku keliru sendiri dan pening memikirkan hal keluarga, kawan, pelajaran dan sebagainya. Tidak tahu kenapa kadang - kadang aku rasa menjalani kehidupan sebagai seorang remaja banyak onak durinya. Tapi di sebalik jalan yang bercabang inilah yang menjadikan aku semakin matang. Kata orang, kehidupan ini kita harus terokai sendiri untuk mengetahuinya dan bukan sahaja dengan mendengarnya oleh orang lain. Seharusnya jalan itu aku harus pilih sendiri dan tidak ditentukan. Ada sesiapa tak baik hati nak temankan aku di sepanjang perjalanan.(* batuk-batuk kecil)

Ya, aku rasa aku dan kehidupan. Yang boleh disimpulkan ianya adalah satu cabaran buatku sendiri. Akan kutempuh penuh berani dan sekuat hati. Kalau- kalau pengsan, sesapa boleh la tolong. Kan bagus kalau pari-pari itu wujud? Kalau aku lemas sudikanlah bagi bantuan pernafasan. Hahahahaha...

Aku ada dilemma. Tapi rasa malas pula nak kongsi. Nanti jela. Fokus untuk bercuti. Bercuti la sangat. T_T

Black And White Photography Contest

2009-12-24T23:12:00.000+08:00

Its been a long time since i blog. A decade ago. Ok that is so hyperbole. Anyways, this post is up for one purpose that is to join the black and white photo contest that is being held at http://thecamerajunkie.blogspot.com. So here i am. Hope you guys are happy now. And to that person who keep asking me to update, here i am updating. Happy now? :p

This is the banner for the black and white contest as required by the owner. If anyone is interested to join the contest do visit and the link are there in the banner itself and as i stated before.

http://thecamerajunkie.blogspot.com

For this particular contest, i would like to post up this picture of me planting the sunflower. It is also a snapshot from a day out with my Steven brother. We had lots of fun doing this shoot partly because i look silly in straw hat and i can't stop laughing upon seeing my own reflection.

-Canon EOS REBEL Xti/ 400D
- Kit lens 18-55mm
- Photoshop CS4 - Hell yeah! \m/
- The Cloud texture from deviant art
- In the backyard of our house

p/s: I am not a pro photographer. This shot looks brilliant because my Steven brother is the master behind the scene. Thank you, Steven. I love you for letting me post this up. Thanks to Mama Mei for her kindness upon sacrificing her sunflower for her daughter and son so called work of art. I love you, ma! We, both love you. Hehe

Owh ya, blogger friends i will back to blog daily. It just that i am on holiday. I promise. And i love you guys lots! Last but not least,

Merry Christmas Everyone! Ho ho ho ho

I Don't Have A Special Boyfriend! So?

2009-11-29T15:40:00.000+08:00

Confession time. I hate onlining my yahoo messenger when suddenly an old friend of mine poop up of no where without greeting and start bombing you up with question like, " Do you have a boyfriend now?" And to know them long enough i am sure which or what kind of boyfriend they are asking about. My usual ways of dealing these was simply ignoring it or just change my status of online to invisible.

I just don't see any relevance of going through this kind of conversation. In the end they end up saying i am lying. Excuse me, you ask and thats my answer! I don't have any. What is your proof of saying me lying or even to questioned my love life. If i am seeing a guy, doesn't mean he is my special boyfriend. Do get sane people! And don't piss me off with saying " we are friends, couldn't you share your stories?" Hell if you are friends then you should well enough know friends respect a friends' privacy.

Tell you what? im just going to ignore the very question and you can bitch all you want and say what you want to say. I don't care. Because you are absurdly childish and im not going to tolerate this kind of behavior anymore. Grow up!

To quote Amanda "Find a guy who calls you beautiful instead of hot, who calls you back when you hang up on him, who will lie under the stars and listen to your heartbeat, or will stay awake just to watch you sleep... wait for the boy who kisses your forehead, who wants to show you off to the world when you are in sweats, who holds your hand in front of his friends, who thinks you' re just as pretty without makeup on. One who is constantly reminding you of how much he cares and how lucky he is to have YOU... The one who turns to his friends and says, thats her..."
And i still haven't yet to find myself a guy. That guy.

I Don't Have A Special Boyfriend! So?

If you are going to call me lesbian. Seriously? I don't give a damn. Sick of this game. So taa~ motherfuckerbitchwhore

Explicitly Dirty

2009-11-21T01:16:00.000+08:00

Her body glistens in the light
I urge to play with her all night
I pick her up and hold her steady
Take a deep breath, we both are ready.

I run one hand up her long neck
Just touching her makes me euphoric
Across her body, my right hand goes
I've been practicing, believe me, it shows.

Her body glistens in the light
I urge to play with her all night
I pick her up and hold her steady
Take a deep breath, we both are ready.

Another deep breath, the tension mounts
Have to stay focused, every moment counts
I am ready lets get movin'
Here it goes, we both start groovin'.

Her body glistens in the light
I urge to play with her all night
I pick her up and hold her steady
Take a deep breath, we both are ready.

I start out slow to get in the swing
As I do she starts to sing
The sounds and feelings grow more immense
The movements, become more intense.

Her body glistens in the light
I urge to play with her all night
I pick her up and hold her steady
Take a deep breath, we both are ready.

She screams and screams, while I am gropin'
My heart stops as I see the door open
My mom walks in and with a frown
Says, Your guitar is too loud, please turn it down.

Confused..

2009-11-14T00:40:00.004+08:00

I can't figure out. The bloody rashes drives me up the wall. And something came knocking at my head. What was wrong with me? The question keep arising. And i do have this same dream again and again. I began to hate puzzle. It makes my head hurts. I never intend to let myself fall in love.

I never have been in a relationship. Yes, pathetic. Call me anything you want. I don't give a damn. I am afraid to have to commit to a person. That's the main reason i was never seems to have a special boyfriend. I have lots of guys friend. But not a single one drives me nut. Well they drives me nut but they certainly does not invade my dreams. And i am torn. I am never good in playing the game of hearts. I am not willing to risk myself. I hate how this feel. I wonder why it got to be you.

What is this feeling I have?
I seem to love you
But other times I seem to loathe you

I can't be without you
Or maybe just without anyone
I think about you all the time
But why do I have this feeling?

I long for your voice
And I would die to hear your laugh
But is this love
Or merely lust?

p/s: I need a vacation. I am talking about you stalker, Nadzir NY.

Bloody Rashes

2009-11-13T00:46:00.004+08:00

I have this weird rashes all over my body and its stressing me out.

Every time after bath I have to soak myself with this slimy medicine and also scar prevention thingy.(mederma)Trust you,its the best one.

I haven't heard anything from my friends at all so if any of you guys are reading this,please know that I'm suffering from a weird disease and if I can't make it,I want you to know that I LOVE YOU ALL.SO MUCH.

I guess I have to cancel my date with someone tomorrow.Not that I'm being a drama queen over this little thing(or maybe not) Its just that I don't have mood to interact with the world at the moment.That's why I'm letting this all out here.A blog.That could not respond to what I'm saying whatsoever.

I'm bored .Can you tell.
I guess I should stop now
chow bella.

Let Me Go!

2009-11-01T12:06:00.002+08:00

Some people are not worth it.

Ghosts from the past are always lingering around. The people who betrayed you, the ones who broke your heart, and those who lie, cheat, or steal are the ones that test the ability for forgetting and forgiving. I know it takes a strong heart to put the past behind and I know that in doing so, you become the bigger, better person.

But sometimes, just sometimes, I just want to forget. There are some deeds that can never be forgiven, some people who don't deserve forgiveness.

Fine Print

2009-10-17T13:48:00.001+08:00

Fine print

There's always the fine print at the bottom of bargain signs. Always the fine print in a much smaller font size as compared to the bold, large font which promotes the offer of an item.

Fine, print.

Straight away, fine gets related in my head to something good. Flawless, perfect, fine. It holds another meaning and in this context that meaning is the one used- fine means intricate, detailed, small, un-obvious.
There was a clothes rack and a pile of colourful garments hung from the metalic hangers side by side.

It said- '50% off. Terms and conditions apply.'

Terms and conditions apply.
It was then, that I realized how similar you were to the rack of clothes and its signage. How I was able to relate you to the last part of the advertisement came as not much of a surprise when I started to think about it.

You- advertise something so beautiful, captivating, alluring, flawless. What could be wrong with you now, right?

But somehow, the fine print you have written below you is only seen and understood when one draws nearer and is within eye range. It is only when one is within close proximity that the fine print becomes visible- terms and conditions apply.

Those terms and conditions you set out, lay down and make strict rules out of then make the alluring part of your advertisement a little more contemplative, indecisive and confusing for one to decide on whether it is good or bad.

But then, you have drawn me into such close range already. And stepping out of that range, is the hardest part because like the clothes rack, even with the fine print written there- it doesn't make the colourful garments any easier to abstain from browsing through.

Fine print, sometimes isn't all that fine I think.

You

2009-09-27T22:50:00.002+08:00

YOU!
Three letter words.
Short and shattered.
Be gone and lost in outer space!

*by email from YOU

i don't know if I'm the kind of person
who thinks that everyone deserves
second chances.As much as I want to.Because I believed
that relationships are like glass. Sometimes it's better to leave them broken than try to hurt yourself putting it back together.
It's hard to re-build everything and to re-live every single
memories we had.
And what we had was really special.
I've cherished you once and I'm doubting to do it twice.
We were the it couple back then and imagined how
heavy-hearted to let everything go.to let you go.
But I totally made it,you're no longer in my dreams
as you always did.
I'm getting use to not having your number on my screen the very second
I opened my eyes each morning and to hear your voice
the first thing of the day and the last one.
It's hard to pick up the pieces but I finally have the guts to
get up and be a human again.To live my life again.
Deep down inside,you're bluntly there.Standing and waiting
with the smile I adore most.
I miss hearing you,I can't erase the image of you mouthed
the word I love you when I was crying because I don't want to be
part from you,I'm like a fish out of water without you.and you've said,everything will be alright.
But it didn't.
I always hope you're the one.
But I've chose to let you go now.
I never regret to have loved you to bits and to give you my all.It is better to have loved and lost than never to have lost at all.
And I'm glad you were the one I've chosen.
Even though my world may appear to have collapsed around you, strangely enough, I also notice that most things still remain the same.
It's just me without you.As awkward as it may sound to us once.

"Old times" never come back and I suppose it's just as well. What comes back is a new morning every day in the year, and that's better.
I know I'll be okay,and you will too.

Memalukan

2009-09-16T01:41:00.000+08:00

Perkara memalukan terjadi. Sumpah aku malu.

Salahkan Gloria Gaynor dan lirik I Will Survive! Hukhuk. Hari ini di kelas BEL120 kami harus melakonkan lirik lagu I Will Survive. Mula-mula kumpulan aku semua taknak buat. Mereka suruh aku buat mereka ikut. Apa lagi aku yng sporting nak mti ni pun buat lah. Sekali aku pelik apa pasal semua orang tk buat. Cis. Muaz boleh ternganga tengok aku. Acaf pula terbeliak. Yang lain dah start bersorak dan gelak-gelak. Aduhai.

Dah ar Madam Hindun rakam pula action aku tu. Memang comel. Taubat aku malu. Ni lirik yang aku kena buat tu.

At first I was afraid

I was petrified

Kept thinking I could never live

without you by my side

But then I spent so many nights

thinking how you did me wrong

And I grew strong And I learned how to get along

and so you're back

from outer space

I just walked in to find you here

with that sad look upon your face

I should have changed that stupid lock

I should have made you leave your key

If I had known for just one second

you'd be back to bother me

Aku bersungguh-sungguh buat. Sumpah gedik gila, kuasa 100. Ada ke patut mereka cakap menghairahkan la dan menggoda semacam. Mana aku tak malu. Dah cukup. Tak nak cerita lagi. Mahu lupa. Biar ini terkubur mati.

Tidur tidur tidur XUEN!

Bila Hati Membisikkan Rindu

2009-09-15T05:31:00.001+08:00

Aku dapat cara terbaru untuk menghilangkan bosan dan tekanan. Aku akan berwebcam. Sumpah sengal tapi aku tak peduli.

Di saat aku bersembang ceria dengan Kakak Lilyannedrienne. Teman wanita Richard Gege aku. Dan nama dia memang panjang sebegitu tanpa sebarang jarak pemisahan di antara suku kata. Unik bukan?

Apa motif ko ni Xuen nak cerita pasal nama dia =_-??

Diamlah suara hati jangan sibuk!

Aku suka Lily Jie Jie. Tahu kenapa? Dia dapat terima bahawa Richard Gege sayang aku lebih. Aku keutamaan dia. Teman wanita jatuh nombor 3. Selepas Xuen Mei mei dia dan patung Gundam koleksi dia yang harga mencecah ribu raban. Dan Lily Jie Jie sangatlah baik hati serta suka membantu Richard Gege. Dia prihatin.

Semalam dia online. Dia tegur aku. Aku pula riang kerana ingatkan Richard Gege ada bersama dia. Tapi Lily Jie Jie cakap abang sibuk dengan projek kutip derma dia. Lily Jie Jie cakap abang sangat bersemangat dan beria-ria nak kutip derma bagi pesakit kanser. Patutlah susah sangat aku nak cakap dengan dia. Asal telefon je dia tak pernah nak angkat. Alih-alih suara lunak perempuan manja memberitahuku untuk meninggalkan pesanan.

Lily Jie Jie menunjukkan yang dia telah menyediakan satu album yang dibuatnya sendiri bagi dihadiahkan pada Richard Gege. Dalam album itu nanti akan dipenuhkan dengan gambar sempena projek itu nanti. Lily Jie Jie aku amatlah baik bukan? Aku suka dia.

Dalam perbualan kami, frasa ini paling aku ingat:

Xuen: Jie, i miss kor. <-- equals to gege Lily Jie: Me too. Xuen: T_T Lepas tu kami pasang webcam dan buat-buat macam pose sambil tangkap gambar.

Huh~ Sengal dan keanak-anakkan lah ko ni Xuen

Kepada suara hati anda tidak punya hak untuk bercakap! Diam! :p

Antara gambar yang paling aku suka ialah gambar La la pose aku. Nampak macam aneh! Haha peduli apa aku? Janji gembira! Rambut serabai dan menutup muka untuk aura misteri. Misterilah sangat, :p. Hahaha. Lala pose untuk Lily Jie Jie. Hahaha..

我希望你们将继续一起幸福快乐的日子。我想念你的弟弟！很多！请你回来。

Gembira

2009-09-12T02:14:00.002+08:00

Gambaran gembira masa pergi keluar di Penang. Woooohoooooo~

Aku suka gambar ni. Walau muka aku separuh je. Aku rasa separuh diri aku hilang terbang melayang tiap kali aku amik gambar. Tapi aku tetap suka. Faiz memang gila kamera. Sebab apa? Sebab dia memang model. Haha muka komersial. Dan aku tumpang sekaki populariti dia. Popular ke ko faiz? Mati aku kalau dia tahu aku letak gambar ni sebab nampak muka dia 3/4 je. Tapi aq 1/2 je pun tak kisah. Faiz antara classmate lelaki yang aku kenal. Sangat baik hati orangnya. Suka dia sebab dia gila. Suka tak sama dengan cinta ok? Harap maklum.

Aku Agak Tension

2009-09-09T23:49:00.002+08:00

Aku tension. Sedang periksa! Dan aku mahu kekal dapat markah tertinggi dan juga lulus dengan jayanya. Doakan ya! Maaf jarang update! Jangan gatal menilik tapak tangan aku. Nanti kena humban aku tak tahu!

Ekslusif-Dan Aku

2009-09-03T12:00:00.000+08:00

Aku,kini. Urm

Ramai orang bising suruh aku update. Hurm masalahanya aku tak tahu nak update apa.*Ramai ke yang suruh update ni? Haha berperasaan sendiri. Aku tak ada benda nak update tapi gedik nak update juga. Oleh itu, aku saja je nak tayang muka aku masa aku tengah YM sambil marah sebakul terhadap abang aku. Abang, Xuen minta maaf ni. :p
Gambar ni sengal :p Tapi aku tak peduli!

Dah aku dah update. Sapa yang terasa dia paksa-paksa aku update tadi, silalah bergembira! Mahu tidur sekarang dan bangun pukul 4pagi besok demi membuat kerja khusus political science. Cheerio~

18 Not Just A Number

2009-08-30T17:15:00.001+08:00

Things that is so called crucial as an eighteen:

1)sex
2)guinness freak
3)yam cha members

But i did none of those.Probably I'm not cool enough.Maybe.
But I own dignity that won't be wasted when I hit certain ages.
No rules can change that.
Only morons would and be a proud braggart to tell the world at every chance they have.
I sounded like zec efron on 17 again but my thought is as you get older
it comes along with the word wiser
but some people just not as lucky because it turn out to be
they become more obscene.
Spread their legs wide to their so called boyfriend and be so
insolent to tell everyone.Its not love,they are what I called
trashy tramp :)

When you get straight A's 1,its appropriate to shout lordly
and people will smile at you with respect not with disgust .
Telling how late you went home every night being a changkat members
drinking your lungs out also not so nice.
You can never expect who might read your blog.It can also be your mother
or your great-grandmother.Who knows right?
I know I know,its your blog your right.
But advices wont hurt.Even if I'm not the right person,guts is what it needs.

sex occurs between two souls who deeply in love with each other
attached by marriage.Classic or not.This is the way it should be.
drinking develop a beer belly which is not hot at all.And
when you turn 50 your belly will be stretching so hard to reach the
floor.Yeayyyyy.
but whatever right?life is short so we better screw it.God.Grow up.

so think.

All The Icy Stuff

2009-08-29T19:07:00.001+08:00

What's a bear with a lot of teeth called?

A Molar Bear.
*smackforehead*

I miss you gege. Despite that you are evil and monstrous at time, or the fact that you make stupid jokes and me being the good sister laugh at it hysterically. I couldn't get why that you are stuck with her. Anyway i do understand that you are being mature. You are never the brother that i used to have. You chose to grow up when i still refuse to do so. And gege no matter what, or how fast you grow, how annoying and monstrous you became, i love you.

I love you much, lots. I know i sucks at telling what i was supposedly or rightfully should have said but i never did that. And im sorry if i ever let you down. Perhaps one day i will grow up too and leave this Neverland. But now its not the time. I hope you understand. You are the best gege thou at a point i wish to kick you hard and suffocate you till you are died but i never did. Did you know why? Because i love you, lots.

Hating is not my thing. Its killing my soul and make me old. So i could never hate. And all i have and all i can give you is love. Love and lots of love infinity. Gege happy for you that you now lead a new life. A mature and grown up. Pretty please dont be a cruel grown up. Please?

Love you, gege.
Richard Wang and Steven Wang
Your darling sister,
Xuen who you refuse to call me as Ai An.

Shit And Weirded Out

2009-08-28T15:46:00.004+08:00

Yesterday,
all goes haywire
and i dont think you give a damn bout me anymore
Its all about Gwen
Its never been about me, anyway right?
Never EVER bout me!

(+20 hours later),
Shit.
Sometimes, I wonder if I speak too fast. When that wonder comes along, so does the one where- I wonder how long more and how much more of Gwen I will have to bear, listen to, 'accommodate'.
I say- I don't want to do this anymore. But after, I'm NOT exactly sure how it will be if I don't. Don't push it- both ways.
I am so, scared. :c

(+2 hours after the initial 20 hours)
I feel, like shit. Inside and out.
Ugly, useless, huge, wretched. This smile is beginning to look so plastic, beginning to get old, and I question more and more each time how much genuine happiness it really holds.
If I had a voodoo doll of myself, I'd stick many many pins into her. Repetitively.
What the heck, is wrong with me. Why did this have, does this have, to be so confusing :(

You are just a BROTHER!
but why its have to end this way?
Urgh now its bullshit.

Hantu Di Bilik Air

2009-08-25T21:02:00.002+08:00

Jeritan lagi dan lagi
Sayup

Hantu?
Mana?
Sudah hilang.

=_=?
Bulan puasa hantu tak ada.
Pelik bila ada yang jerit hantu.

Aku kemudiannya tahu,
Hantu di bilik air itu,
Rupanya.

Aku!
Yang berpakaian gaun malam putih
Rambut hitam mengerbang
Dan derapan tapak kaki yang cermat

Aduhai,
Aku dicop hantu
Cop la permaisuri ke
Takpe juga!

Moral buat diri sendiri: Jangan berpakaian putih sambil biarkan rambut putih mengurai dan berjalanlah menghentak kaki supaya mereka tahu kau datang!

Geram..

2009-08-23T23:52:00.004+08:00

Geram sangat tahap dewa!

Bila orang telefon tu angkatlah!Jangan buat pameran pula! Dan tutup radio tu dan bunyi YM tu la! Tak payah nak sibuk cerita pasal teman lelaki kau atau bekas teman lelaki kau. Aku perlu menelaah ni. Urgh for God sake. Some people just cant give a damn. And talking to them are equivalent to talking to a statue. And your vibrating phone, ringtone and loudest call are killing me to the max! Hell to you!

I just need to say something. Am better. Just hoping that particular someone can freaking understand Malay and shut the fucking phone and stop talking bout your boyfriend did or whatsoever. I couldn't care less. Swear.I need to read my book with utter peace. Thanks!Owh, wait utter peace meaning quite noisy free environment.

Nuts chocolate and vanilla

2009-08-22T23:32:00.002+08:00

Nuts chocolate and vanilla.

I used a new soap from The Body Shop today, and now I smell like a nut. I should experiment, if I attract squirrels! :D Also, being so close to a golf course I realised while running that there is this little bit of paranoia I have in my brain that tells me one day, a golf ball will hit me and knock me out.I should run with a helmet, that way I build neck muscles too- despite the lopsided side effects.

Currently indulging myself with vanilla and chocolate scented perfume. And someone says i smell delicious which is kindda scary. You know its like he is literally saying but in his case is
"im a hungry monster and i will eat you alive!!"

=_=" funny people isnt it?

Today

2009-08-19T23:14:00.002+08:00

Simply updating for the geez of it

I am beginning to think I have alternating days. Today wasn't terrible which if we go by my theory, means tomorrow might not be so pretty. But then again- that makes Thursday, bearable right? :/

I don't like how I hardly talk to you, you and you.
The scarier part of that is that I think doing so would seem different from what it used to be. And, I don't really like different when it comes to things like this.

Nite!

Ini Hati Aku..

2009-08-18T23:59:00.000+08:00

Hati aku,
Cuma sekeping,
Dan ianya sedang mogok,
Mogok besar-besaran.

Kamu tahu tak?
Hati aku sekeping je,
Satu lagi Tuhan bagi dekat dia,
Dan aku masih tak jumpa siapa dia.

Tapi aku tak kisah,
Sebabnya mudah Tuhan itu adil,
Pasti dia akan lorongkan jalan,
Aku tahu Tuhan itu sayang aku!

Kamu tahu tak,
Hati aku hari berdegup,
Kadar dia sama sahaja setiap saat,
Betul, aku tak tipu!

Tapi, kamu tahu tak?
Hari ini dia amat luarbiasa,
Degupan dia macam orang pukul gendang cina!
Laju kuat dan hampir jatuh dari tempatnya.

Aku tanya hati,
Kenapa kau hari ini,
Dia hanya jawab;
Dengan degupan yang makin deras.

Aku cakap pada hati,
"Jangan kau begini",
Jawab hati,
Hanya degupan yang dua kali lipat deras.

Aku pusing dan mata aku lihat,
Seorang yang macam Adoni s,
Aku lihat arah lain,
Tapi tika kemudian aku kerling juga!

Aku pujuk hati,
"Jangan nak mengada",
Dia bukan orangnya,
Berhenti sekarang jangan deras lagi.

Hati aku berpura untuk berhenti,
Dan tika itu batin aku suruh berdetaklah kembali!
Nafasku sekat di kerongkong,
Hati aku merajuk barangkali!

Aku lihat si Adonis,
Ku pandang lama dan tanpa kelip,
Hati makin deras berdegup,
Argh hati, tolong jangan begini.

Aku berlalu pergi,
Tapi hatiku bentak merontak,
Aku jadi sakit hati,
Tak apa esok kita datang lagi.

Dan ini hati aku,
Buat pertama kalinya bersuara,
Dan buat julung kalinya,
Aku mengerti; suara hatiku.

Hati,
Sabar ok?
Nanti aku cari,
Milik siapa hatiku yang sekeping itu.

Perdengarkan...

2009-08-16T23:37:00.000+08:00

Dan kala malam menjelma, aku dendangkan lagu sedih. Tatkala bayu menyapa jendela malam, aku.. aku terbangkit untuk mendengkan lagu ini. Lagu sedih buat ubat diriku. Dan ubat itu makin pahit, payau dan segala.

Malam ini sejuk dingin,
Kawan sudah nyenyak dibuai mimpi,
Aku pandang jendela; kosong,
Persoalan mencengkam jiwa raga; semuanya,

Aku duduk kaku,
Hati menahan pilu,
Mata merah lebam hitam,
Hanya jari- jari setia menari.

Tarian sumbang jari tarikan,
Tidak cekap dan rentaknya hilang,
Irama dan lagu tak seirama,
Hati luka pedih berkaca-kaca.

Lagu ini, perdengarkan,
Hanya kata biasa,
Merungkai misteri jiwa,
Meronta tersiksa diabaikan.

Malam kelam,
Pekat hitam,
Seram suram,
Gelap malap.

Dia sakit,
Sakit hati,
Sakit kepala,
Sakit segala.

Puas cari obat,
Tak juga jumpa,
Kalau ada obat itu kelat,
Pahit payau dan sakit;lagi.

Dia kuat,
Argh dusta,
Diam aku kata,
Pedulikah dia?

Sakit tersepit,
Sakit dikepit,
Terhimpit dalam dunia,
Yang mainannya kotor!

Dia selamber aje,
Bajet hebat sangat,
Kena gigit semut sikit,
Tersungkur jatuh cium tanah!

Maam berlalulah pergi,
Siang mari kembali,
Tidak aku akan teraba-raba lagi,
Dan siang terikmu aku tahani.

Aku duduk kaku,
Hati menahan pilu,
Mata merah lebam hitam,
Jari- jari berhenti menari.

Pergi tak jumpa jalan pulang. Hilang dalam sangkar dewata

And Im Torn..

2009-08-13T00:12:00.002+08:00

Major crisis. And unwell.

I will go. For the time being. Hurt, torn. Having problem and definitely lost. No one to talk too anymore. Unloved hurt trashed wrecked and isolated. Still loving life but i need to make the great escape.Just this time. Dilemma and never this bad. Worse of the worst. My armour is just not that strong anymore.

It make sense i guess....NOT

2009-08-08T19:16:00.000+08:00

Have you ever feels what it likes to die? Or perhaps sink in the ocean and finally outta breath? Have you ever? If u had and still manage to walk in this face of the Earth, then consider yourself lucky. For some reason i think i might be off-death. Just simply.

I believe that everything happens for a reason.
People change so that you can learn to let go.
Things go wrong so that you appreciate them when they're right.
You believe lies so you eventually learn to trust no one but yourself, and sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together.

Deadlines!

2009-08-02T23:59:00.001+08:00

Deadlines

Definition: You're either dead before or after the finish line.

In any case, you're still dead.

I Like...

2009-08-01T22:10:00.003+08:00

You know, in my eighteen years of existence on this earth? I've discovered a lot of weird and unusual things I like. From disco balls to the sound of rain when it falls, somehow? I get a sense of serenity and amusement from these things. So, here it goes.

I like it when I wake up in the morning to heavy rain.
I like it when it's cold and I'm under the blankets, get out of bed and wear my fuzzy bedroom slippers.
I like it when I awake to the smell of pancakes coming from the kitchen.
I like it when daddy comes back from work and the whole family sits around the table talking about absolutely everything under the sun.

I like it when I see old couples outside holding hands.
I like it when I see little kids play around in the supermarkets while their parents go "Careful you'll break the glass!"
I like it when I see guys carrying bags for their girlfriends.
I like it when I see a Daddy and his little girl sitting outside a cafe, sipping their drinks.
I like it when I see a Mummy try to pull up her teenage boys pants.

I like it when I can talk to someone
I'm really close to about anything under the sun.
I like the atmosphere of sophisticated cafes.
I like the atmosphere of cafes with old fashioned teapots.

I love the idea of sitting on the beach watching the sun set.

I love the idea of walking by a pier at midnight with a special someone.
I like the idea of camping outside under the stars and waking up with a somewhat backache the next day (:
I love it when snowfalls.
I love the idea of being around a cozy fire on Christmas Eve, waiting to open presents.
I like the fact that I tried to write Santa a Christmas note, telling him I want it to snow on Christmas Eve when I was five.

I like the thought of people eating cookies.
I like the fact that I can do a bridge and somewhat a cartwheel (:<>But I guess right now?
I like the fact that pictures are capable of saying a thousand word.
Because frankly speaking?
I'm so bummed out I don't know what else to say.

Kisah Cinta Rahsia

2009-07-31T14:24:00.002+08:00

Cinta Rahsia?
Argh..
Aku tak mengerti.

Dan aku sembahkan sebuah cerita cinta. Cinta rahsia yang tak pernah diluahkan dengan kata-kata hanya terbit di hati. Jauh kelam dalam lubuk hati. Kisah cinta penuh rahsia dan misteri yang tak terungkap dengan hanya bilah bicara. Penuh luhur membuai jiwa. Penuh sakti magis dan barangkali sumpahan tak terungkai. Aku sebagai pari yang menari mencari makna sebuah cinta abadi.

Dia seorang putera raja, kacak segak dan berkuda putih. Budi bahasa tinggi dan berpendidikan tinggi. Putera raja ini walaubagaimanapun pemalu orangnya. Dia berkawan baik dengan anak pengasuhnya. Seorang gadis yang biasa sahaja rupa parasnya, comot dan menumpang di rumahnya. Si gadis tidak berpelajaran tinggi apatah lagi mengerti yang bukan bidangnya. Mereka sebaya dan selalu meluangkan masa bersama seperti kanak-kanak lain. Tambahan pula putera raja ini merendah diri orangnya.

Si gadis ini, berkawan baik dengan anak si pembuat patung. Berkawan baik dan jatuh cinta. Diceritakan segalanya kepada putera raja. Sehinggalah satu hari si gadis tadi dan anak pembuat patung itu putus. Putera raja itu sedia dan setia mendengar. Memberi kata-kata nasihat. Persis seperti kawan rapat.

*

Tentu kamu tanya signifikan cerita ini bukan? Mudah. Dia adalah putera raja yang pemalu dan aku gadis anak pengasuh itu. Dia selama ini ku anggap seperti rakan baik. Tapi, entah aku keliru. Salahkah aku dalam membuat pertimbangan. Butakah aku keatas segala pengorbanannya itu? Aku musykil sendiri. Selama ini aku anggap dia kawan baik. Sekadar itu, cukup dan noktah. Tapi sejak aku temui blog itu, aku termanggu sendirian. Aku jadi keliru.

Dan hari ini, aku pergi lagi ke blog itu. Aku tinggalkan kata ramah. Dan 5 minit kemudian ianya telah di privatekan.

Aku?
Diam.
Kelu.
Paku.

Dilemma

2009-07-30T22:16:00.003+08:00

Baru tengok blogger boy. Tiba-tiba sahaja sms masuk. Dari seorang rakan karib. Isi kandungannya hanyalah link satu blog. Aku buka. Teruja. Bukan apa aku harapkan satu entri yang menarik. Aku tak sangka.....

Tak sangka, blog itu ada cerita. Cerita itu tentang aku. Aku baca. Indah menarik dan mendalam maknanya. Tidak menyakitkan hati. Cuma membuai jiwa. Blog itu, kandungannya HANYA mengenai aku.

SMS yang aku hantar.
Lagu yang aku berikan.
Hadiah ulang tahun lahirnya.

Pendek kata blog itu tentang aku.
CUMA bukan aku yang tulis.
Blog itu milik seseorang.
Seseorang itu aku kenal benar.
Seorang lelaki.

Aku lihat.
Lidahku kelu.
Aku tak tahu samada aku patut komen atau tidak?
Aku rasa aku tak patutnya baca entri itu semua.
Tapi aku manusia biasa.
Naluri aku kata ya bacalah, tak ada salahnya!

Tapi aku kini rasa bersalah.
Seolah aku buka diarinya.
Diari yang penuh dengan cerita aku.
Cerita aku dan dia.

Dan selalunya aku tak pernah anggap.
Apa yang aku buat.
Apa yang aku kata.
Akan dia ingat.

Aku dilemma!

Kelu, kaku dan bisu.
Mungkin jua akan buta
WAKTU INI!

Dan Sebenarnya

2009-07-29T12:23:00.002+08:00

Dan Sebenarnya... Aku rindu.

Ramai yang marah sebab Xuen sekarang malas update blog. Bukan malas , tapi yang sebenarnya wireless kat UiTM Kedah itu teramatlah bengong. Kadang-kadang okay kadang- kadang tak. Xuen sebenarnya dah balik hari Jumaat lepas. Dan sebenarnya walaupun internet ada, Xuen tak sihat. Xuen demam. Jangan nak mengada kata demam sebab H1N1. Nanti Xuen baling dalam longkang baru tahu! Hahahha- gelak jahat

Mari kembali serius( pernah ke Xuen serius?* sambil tahan gelak). Sepatutnya minggu sekarang ni, Xuen sibuk dengan aktiviti Minngu Mandarin. Yup Minggu Mandarin. Xuen merupakan budak semester pertama memegang jawatan AJK. Aktifkan dirimu. Wahahaha. Ingat nak masuk Pidato Mandarin tapi rasa tak terdaya pula disebabkan assingment yang membanjiri dan komitmen lain. Apa- apa pun harap aktiviti yang dirancangkan berjalan dengan lancar. *senyum*

Dan sebenarnya, rasa gembira sangat tinggal kat sana walaupun ada masalah komunikasi bahasa. Ya tanpa malunya aku nak mengaku Bahasa Melayu aku berada di tahap yang agak menyedihkan. Tu tak ambil kira loghat negeri lain. Tapi apa-apa pun aku semakin mendalami ilmu Melayu. Aku pun tak tahu apa yang aku tengah merepek ni. Hahaha.

Dan sebenarnya

Aku gembira
Di mana sahaja aku berada
Dan sebenarnya
Aku merindui
Sesuatu yang aku tak pasti
Aku sendiri dalam mencari
Satu ketentuan Ilahi

Malam karang update lain. Banyak sangat orang buzz YM Xuen. Tension tahu!

My New Life As A Student

2009-07-20T17:05:00.003+08:00

First time being surrounded with the Malays, what can i say? except for the fact that i have a big culture shock.My roomates are both from Kedah. As usual i am having problem to understand what they are trying to say at first. But they are cool nevertheless. I am happy to say that we really do get along together.

The orientation week was so tiring. But i love it so much. Met lots of people and they are amazingly friendly and tolerate with me when i speak to them in English. They thought i am from KL but when i say i am from Perak they are surprise to hear that. They questioned my school and what more, my accent. It sounds so British. When i explain to them i went to Convent and grew up in Singapore and all they began to accept me. And i was selected to be the leader for Group 14. And i don'tknow why i have to be one since i can freakingly converse in Malay that good. But we are doing ok. During the treasure hunt we had combine group and i was again selected to be the Penghuluwati. I just laugh. Apparently this new person around me really likes me.

To my surprise that everytime i was in the dining etc someone would come up to me and say
"Hi, Adila. " I smile and muttered hi but i can swear most of them are person that i dont remember. I again had routine of waving in the dining. Haha. I was also elected as the class representer for DPA1A. And in my faculty which is Public Admin i was the only girl who represent my class. And to be surround by guys gives me hickup. Its not the fact that im not use to them but they look at me as thou they wanted to eat me alife! Scary.

Best picture taken ever. You guys look freaking cute.We are the red team during the explorace.I miss you guys!

I was also the youngest person and the first semester , a girl to be exact to be hold the position as DPA representer in the Mandarin Club. I was selected by the lecturer itself. I was as you can guessed shock as hell. I am also in for a Debate Club. And also DiPAC representer for DPA1A. Hahaha. I sounds socialize for someone who cant really converse in Malay. But i am proud to say i am learning. Yay! for me. I went to clubbing every night. Clubbing meaning club meeting ok, people? Dont get it wrong.

I met wonderful psycho person like me too. Faiz, Zalikha and many more. What can i say is only that these people colors my life very well. Before you guys ask bout guys, i am going to clarify this, i have lots of fan but am still single. Cough cough.

Till then, i love you guys. And will update always starting from today. Muah

Alive And Still Breathing

2009-07-19T16:17:00.004+08:00

Currently enjoying myself as a student. And having workloads keeping me focus and crazy. Owh, and i loves my course so much. Will update more as i am now in the library.Love all of you. And i will update everyday.Yay! Miss me? Call me.

Its Goodbye Now...

2009-06-27T02:07:00.000+08:00

Trying not to cry. Guess i fail.

ON HIATUS

I will be back as soon as possible...

Miss me?

Write me a love letter.

I treasure it in this memory lane.

Reason for hiatus-Off to UiTM Kedah. Will be missing you guys badly!
I love you! I do!

A Jar Of Candy

2009-06-25T23:59:00.001+08:00

I was extremely happy today. Okay perhaps not that happy because i haven't done packing my stuff yet. Urgh! Like i said yesterday i wanted to go to the Thursday Market and i did. And i bought a big jar of candy along with me. And i really piss my little brother as i keep on choosing the candy and put it back. I have the hard time deciding. I mean Pepsi tasted candy and also a Coca Cola tasted candy was a hard decision to make. I swear i have dilemma. And i end up buying both with other flavour candy.

And at the Thursday Market i met with my classmates. I saw Hoe Sieng, Lay Ling,ZhiWen, Kah Hey, and Vinnie. It was so freaking excited. I was like hey! What a coincidence. I loiter around and buy all the candy that caught my eyes. And i bought a really nice sugar cane drink which taste like sugar cane. Mind you its hard tofind something not artificial okay?

When i headed home.It was a total hell. I saw all the clothes and i go like urgh. SO i decided not to pack yet. I bathed again. The fourth time today at exactly 2pm. And after i bathed i jump on my bed. I run amok around the house and pretend to kill a monster in my mission. I have this water gun which i found in the store inside my house. So i ask my lil brother to play with me. So we fill the tank up and began shooting at each other. The people who make new tar in my neighbourhood look at us synically. I dont give a damn and run like psycho on a loose.

I almost send my Mom pot flying to the air. But luckily it didnt went flying.Just a crack. Hope Mom wont find out about it. I have to sacrifice 5 apple flavour candy and gave it to my lil bro for him to keep it a secret. I end up feeling tired and sleep. I sleep for 2 hours. OMG! that is the longest i could manage after months of insufficient sleep. After waking up, i saw my lil brother eating cookies from a jar. I snatched 5 cookies from him and run crazily and hid in my room so he wont kick me. Hahaha- evil laugh

Then Dad sent my other lil brother to his school as for tomorrow he have a competition going on. A robotic competition. How cool is that? Very cool. And there is only two of us at home. Me and my lil brother. We make a tent out of blankets and pillows. By this time, its already 8pm. I havent packed yet. So feeling gloomy, i force myself to pack. And by the time this entry was posted only 70% of the things are accomplished. Another 30 % will be settle tomorrow

Do i have to buy a dark sarong to match with UiTM batik kurung? I don't know! Stumble across Bya blog and she mention bout that! Scary weyh! Argh! Faint. Anyone wanted to clarify this for me?

Off to eat my candy. Candy makes me happy. Candy make me high.Candy make me crazy.Rawr!

Berkemas..

2009-06-24T23:59:00.001+08:00

Lagi berapa hari je tinggal nak pergi UiTM Kedah. Masalahnya, aku tak mula berkemas lagi. Yang aku buat hanyalah melambakkan kain di atas beg. Aku pun tak tahu kenapa aku malas sangat ni. Haiz...

Dilema apakah yang melanda? Dilema mengada sebenarnya. Haha. Setelah dimarahi kaum keluarga,rakan- rakan yang disayangi dan juga kawan blogger, aku masih lagi enggan berkemas. Dasar keras kepala betul. Besok dah Khamis. Jumaat dah nak pergi walaupun daftar pada hari Sabtu. Kata ayah, tak nak terkejar-kejar Sabtu nanti. Yang aku ingat dan semangat aku nak pergi pasar Khamis beli gula-gula sebalang besar. Cari benda mengarut. Makan banyak-banyak buat kali terakhir. Nanti kurang makan dekat sana.

tekanan akibat tak kemas kemas lagi :(

Yay! Besok nak pergi pasar Khamis! Gembira sangat. Masalahnya hari ini aku berkemas tak siap-siap lagi. Aku longgok kain dan main letak je semua benda dalam beg. Lepas tu aku zip. Lantak la.

Ada sesiapa nak tolong kemas?

Its The Best BirthDay EVER!

2009-06-23T23:59:00.005+08:00

Today is my birthday. My 18th birthday. If you dont wish me, i wish you are sorry. And i forgive you. Hahaha-evil laugh. And this years birthday have been so amazing. The coolest and wow birthday ever. I just love it. Its the best birthday ever, i tell you! For those who wishes thank you. I do love you. Muahh- flying kiss

You guys might be wondering what i did on my birthday right? Its something so crazy this year. I didnt slept the whole night yesterday. Crazy but true. After posting up my previous entry, my yahoo mail have been so crowded that it might end up bursting. Lolx. People send their phone number and said call me. Wow! I never thought that you guys really hoping to hear a small kids yack yack at you'll. But unfortunately you guys really want to hear me yacking away.

So i started making my list of whom i should give a call. Including classmates with maxis and bloggers. Wow so long. And yeah i started calling them. And at 12.00 midnight two post were posted from two bloggers. I will honestly tell you it is very unexpectable. I mean who wanna post about me right? The not cool kid on the blog. But they did. And Abang Samurai dan Kak Capiqa a very big thank you to you guys. Seriously, i smile and it brought tears to my eyes.

Then at 12 midnight with my online status on Yahoo Messenger, around 20 windows pop out wishing me happy birthdays. Short Messages System(SMS) started pouring in. Phone calls line up. Comments on the blog keep coming. I feel like a celebrity. Wow, i never thought you guys actually love me that much. And i spent whole night talking with my friends. Its the best feeling ever. To be actually in someone mind and i do feel the love.

I was with the phone all the time. Usually i dont even give a damn to where i put my phone, but somehow the phone had become my lifeline for today. Thanks to the handsfree i can talk while driving eating and reading. Im so obesesed with the handsfree. At around 10 i went out with my Chinese guy friends. They take me to a place. They came convoi and all in red car. But dress in black. I was dressed in chocolate from top to bottom. Like a chocolate cake. Hahaah. When we are at the shop, the owner look worried because its look like a bunch of mafia had just barged in. A cool humorous mafia. And cut the chocolate cake. It is delicious.

Best cake ever exist! yummy!

And around 2.30 pm, i went out with Wei Chee and Shuhada and went sgopping for my tracks and they bought me KFC which is amazing. And really fun. We try on clothes and do silly things. Went to guardian and try on the make up and perfume just to annoy the sales person. Hahaha.
And in the evening talk with friends on my list. And its the best feeling ever. Called my friend and chatted on silly stuff. So im gonna post this up. For us to enjoy. Very funny.

Mr. Sun came out and he smiled at me. Said it's gonna be a good one just wait and see!
Jumped out of bed and I ran outside feeling so extra exstatified!

It's the Best day ever! (Best day ever)
It's the Best day ever! (Best day ever)

I'm so busy got nothing to do, spent the last two hours just tying my shoe.
Every flower every grain of sand, is reaching out to shake my hand.

It's the Best day ever! (Best day ever)
It's the Best day ever! (Best day ever)

Sometimes the little things start closing in on me, when I'm feeling down I wanna lose that frown I stick my head out the window and look around.
Those clouds don't scare me they can't disguise, this magic that's happening right before my eyes.
Soon Mr. Moon will be shining bright so the best day ever will last all night.
Yes the Best day ever's gonna last all night now.

It's the Best day ever! (Best day ever)
It's the Best day ever (Best day ever)
It's the Best day ever! (Best day ever)
It's the Best day ever (Best day ever)
(Best day ever)
(Best day...)

Thank you so much you guys for making my day extraordinary. And to Hong Wei a.k.a Mr Silent and Nantini Mohan happy birthday on this June 23rd. I hope you had a fantastic birthdays just like mine. And a whole bunch of people to care for you. I love all of you. Thanks for making a day that i will never forget. Thanks. I do love ya!

p/s: Will update about my pressie tomorrow

Siapa Mahu Date Sama Xuen?

2009-06-22T23:59:00.001+08:00

Ya, tajuk atas ni bukan khayalan. Yang ni aku betul-betul serius. Siapa mahu date dengan aku?
Aku sangat lapang besok. Oleh itu, dengan murah hatinya aku ingin menelefon sesiapa yang mahu dan sudi bercakap denganku. Date dalam telefon sudah.

No telefon sila hantar ke alamat e-mail ini. fairytopia_dreamland@yahoo.com. Dan nombor telefon haruslah menggunakan line telefon maxis sahaja. Diulangi maxis sahaja. Dijemput ramai - ramai yang ingin ditelefon untuk meninggalkan masa yang sesuai untuk dihubungi.

Telefon

Kring kring kring
Telefon berbunyi
Pemanggil punya suara sexy
Penerima pula baru bangun tidur
Air liur basi

Kring kring kring
Telefon berbunyi
Angkat-angkat bukan orang yang dikehendaki
Apa lagi mulalah sesi maki maki
Telefon terus letak tepi

Kring kring kring
Telefon berbunyi
SMS masuk
Cek-cek suruh tambah baki
Marah lagi panas hati

Kring kring kring
Telefon berbunyi
Pemanggil punya suara sexy
Penerima senyum berbunga hati
Silap silap telefon di cium nanti

Jom date besok sama Xuen. Hehehe. Caranya mudah. Tinggalkan masa sesuai untuk dihubungi di kotak komen di bawah okay? Dan sila hantar nombor telefon - MAXIS sahaja ke alamat e-mel berikut.fairytopia_dreamland@yahoo.com. Tapi jangan berharap sangat, XUen pilih dengan orang yang biasa dengan Xuen je. Jangan kecil hati sebab Xuen seram cakap dengan yang tidak biasa. Sekian, harap maklum. Mari bergembira.

Yo, Missy!

2009-06-21T23:58:00.002+08:00

Being sick is really not cool. No matter how much attention you get it is still not. I would definitely call it scary. They shout at you about the importance to eat medicine at the right time, on how many things you should eat and to avoid, how much sleep you should be getting and the rest that you should be having. And being the patient was the worst past. Sometime it felt like i was the lab rat. Being experimented with needles and tubes coming in and protruding from your vein might sound kinky but the pain, was unbearable. Crying does not help either.

I just hope the nurse be much more gentle. And please smile you guys. I am not deaf so there is no need for you to shout at me. And i am not incapable. I can all by myself spoon fed me. And please be easy with my blood!You guys are worst than vampire. And the one who draws my blood is not as sexy as Edward Cullen. If he is i wont say a word. Please God, i promise.

blue black. not cool!

I just hope to say this to the staff:

Yo, Missy!
Please be easy on me,
Coz, im not well,
Treat me well.

Yo,Missy!
Please dont shout at me,
Coz, im not deaf,
My ear is fine.

Yo, Missy!
Please dont give me so many med,
Coz, it taste like bad bread,
That makes my tummy ache.

Yo, Missy!
Please dont force me to eat,
Coz, i really dont want to,
And i just throw it up.

Yo, Missy!
Please be kind with me,
Coz, i know you are jealous of me,
And I know that im a cute-y,

Yo, Missy!
Please do your job properly,
Coz, its what you have to do,
And please dont sulk with me.

Yo, Missy!
Please smile at me,
Coz, when you dont i wont be nice,
And it gets really ugly.

Yo, Missy!
Please dont tell me lies,
Coz, i am not a kiddies,
That you can lie easily.

And,

Yo, Missy!
Please dont take all my blood,
Coz, i still havent find my sexy vampire,
That my heart still desire.

Anyway,

Yo, Missy!
Please dont feel angry with me,
Coz, i know im always cranky,
And you are doing your best,
With a girl name ME!

Thank you, Missy!

Have three packs of H2o. In other words water. Had blood suck out from me. My blood is red. And sexy as hell. :p I wish it was glittering too, mind you! Had to eat baby food. Not cool at all. And sorry if i haven't have the time to visit. Just online for certain time using iPhone. Thanks technology, i love you! Wait, thanks dude for borrowing your iPhone to me. I hate ya as always. :p

Sakit...

2009-06-20T00:00:00.001+08:00

DEMAM DAN TIDAK SIHAT

Tidak akan dapat menziarahi kalian buat seketika waktu. Harap maaf. Sakit dah masuk sebulan lebih. Teruk juga sekarang ini. Lemah sekali dan emosi sedih gara-gara tidak dapat jumpa abang sebelum pergi belajar nanti dekat UiTM Merbuk, Kedah. Kalau rindu ucapkan kata-kata rindu buat aku supaya aku tahu. Dan jangan bersedih kerana ini adalah sementara dan pergi aku bukan buat selamanya. Salam sejahtera buat semua. Moga-moga sentiasa gembira hendaknya.

Saya sayang semua!! Peluk cium.

p/s: Nak nombor telefon? Nak email. Sila tinggalkan pesanan selepas bunyi.

Saya sayang semua!! Peluk cium.

Tekan 1 untuk balas. Tekan 2 untuk soalan. Tekan 3 untuk simpan.

Tekan 4 untuk hapus.

Horses At The Funfair...

2009-06-19T22:55:00.001+08:00

I went to school today to give my form teacher my letter of absentees and also to give her my offer letter saying i be leaving. Owh i went with Mummy and we both first went to my lil brother school to take their report card. Amazingly like always they both score beautifully. Especially the youngest one. Mummy said he was so like me. Number 1 as always and no B's. Proud to hear that.And saw Lay Kit practising in the band. So hot la you, Lay Kit. Met with Shin Chan. He look adorable as always. Chat a bit and introduce him to Mummy and lil brother. How am i feeling? Happy. No correction extremely happy.

Nothing much to do and went home. Drive to Grandma house to look after her. She was very quiet. Have lunch with her. Not much. She went to sleep later. While i was there, i rumage around til i find a box. Then i dust it off. And owh! What a pleasure thing to find. A small wooden horse. My mother's little wooden horse. I smile acted silly and arrange the horse in a line. Feeding it with illusionize grass. Then it struck me. The memories of pass.

Im going to invite you to my past. My childhood. To the day i went to funfair. Its my first time. I was dressed in red skirt and a white dress. Amatching red hat and also a red shoe. Owh i carried along with me my greatest posession, The Barney Bear. Then there is Daddy, Mummy and little brother. We both are so excited. As soon as i enter, i saw a big wooden horse which go round and round in a circle. A merry-go-round. Wow! Amazing. I said to my Dad i want to have a ride on those. I was the kid, the fascinated kid,the happiest kid and not to mention proud. I get on the horse. A white with rainbow color on it. I hold to it tightly as if my dear life hangs to that. But loosen up as it moves a round.

I shouted happily to Mummy and Daddy who are watching. I wave at them. I whisper " Faster, horse! Faster!" to the horse ear. And as if replying the horse when faster. I laugh smilling widely. The wooden horse which when comes to an end i realise i couldnt take it back home with me. I had a fantastic day nevertheless. Had the biggest cotton candy ever. And its pink and red in color. I almost lost my Barney in a puddle of mud while i hop and hop on the ground. I ran catching my brother in a crowded place. And shared my ice cream when his ice cream when plop into a mud nearby. We are happy. When the time come. I say goodbye. I look at the horse by that time was rode by another kid. The kid look happy. And i wish happiness to all who rode it.

Deep inside my heart i wish i wont have to say goodbye. That i can have the horse with me. But i know the horse lives in the park full of happiness. The park was his home. He belongs with his family. Just like where i belong to. A house full of happiness and with my family. I wave goodbye half-heartedly and my heart tinge and said " I'll come back, someday with the person i love. "

Wooden Horse

I came out of the darkness
Holding one thing
A small white wooden horse
I'd been holding inside

And when I'm dead
If you could tell them this
That what was wood became alive
What was wood became alive

In the night the walls disappeared
In the day they returned
"I want to be a rider like my father"
Were the only words I could say

And when I'm dead
If you could tell them this
That what was wood became alive
What was wood became alive

Alive
And I fell under
A moving piece of sun
Freedom

I came out of the darkness
Holding one thing
I know I have a power
I am afraid I may be killed

But when I'm dead
If you could tell them this
That what was wood became alive
What was wood became alive
Alive

When i return home, with Mummy wooden horse, she smiled and said thank you. It was the best day. I love you, Mummy. And wooden horse, i will be there someday. To rejoin you and have the ride of happiness. Im full of dream. It is what keeping me alive and brave.

Sepatu Ballet

2009-06-18T23:23:00.000+08:00

Hari ini, pergi rumah kanak-kanak itu. Aku bawakan mereka gula gula sepaket. Itu saja yang aku mampu. Nak beri lebih? Sekarang duit makin sikit. Tapi mereka tetap gembiara walau hadiahku biasa sahaja murah pula. Aku terharu. Setiap kali aku ke sini aku tidak pernah tidak berasa teruja dan tertawan dengan karenah mereka. Aku cadang hanya untuk singgah sekejap cuma tapi seperti biasa aku berjam lamanya.

Aku hari ini sembang dengan seorang budak perempuan. Namanya Madeline. Sungguh comel anak ini. Rambutnya panjang bertocang dua, matanya bulat, hidungnya mancung, bibirnya merah merekah dan kulitnya putih gebu. Dia tunjukkan padaku sepasang sepatu. Sepatu ballet. Aku lihat sepatu itu lembut dan kemas buatannya.

Dia diam. Dia pandang tepat ke wajahku. Memandang anak mataku. Mencari sesuatu. Aku senyum, lembut dan usap lembut rambutnya. Dia dakap aku rapat dan hangat. Aku terkedu. Anak ini ada sesuatu yang mengusik kotak fikirannya. Aku tertanya sendirian. Aku cuba selami. Dakapannya aku balas lembut dan erat.

Terasa air hangat menitik di lenganku. Satu dua dan makin banyak. Tanpa henti-henti. Aku lihat kedalam matanya. Penuh kesedihan penuh kesengsaraan. Owh sayang, katakan padaku mengapa?Dan dia beritahu kisah sepatu ballet itu.

Sepatu ballet itu,
Hadiah dari ibunya,
Yang kini sudah tiada lagi,
Katanya ibu pergi disebabkan sepatu ballet itu.
Aku pegang sepatu itu,
Aku rasakan kasih sayang,
Sepatu ballet itu apa sejarahnya?

Sepatu ballet itu desaknya pada ibunya,
Ibunya kata dia tak mampu belikan,
Mereka orang susah berharap si anak faham,
Tapi anak kecil itu masih lagi kecil,
Dia tak peduli dan apa yang dihajati harus dituruti,
Ibu tunggal itu susah hati,
Nak dikecewakan harapan si anak, ibu tak sampai hati.

Lalu dia kerah seluruh tenaga,
Siang malam pagi petang,
Demi memenuhi impian si anak,
Yang berkehendakkan sepasang sepatu ballet.
Si anak menjadi rawan tatkala ibunya makin sakit,
Tapi dia cemburu lihat rakannya dengan sepatu ballet,
Dia juga berkehendakkan satu.

Saban hari ibu membanting tulang empat kerat,
Menyimpan menabung memotong segala perbelanjaan,
Demi menunaikan harapan si puteri hati,
Satu hari bila duit sudah mencukupi,
Si ibu pergi membeli sepatu ballet,
Rasa gembira berbunga di hati,
Dapat memberi kejutan kepada si puteri nanti.

Akan tetapi tidak dia ketahui,
Bahawa pelangi tidak mesti muncul selalu,
Dan tatkala perjalanan pulang,
Dia dilanggar kereta pemuda berhati walang,
Matanya semakin pejam, dan kemudian makin kelam,
Dan dia dijemput Illahi buat sekian kali,
Dan sepatu ballet itu tetap diberi

Dari seorang ibu yang terkujur mati,
Mendakap sekotak kecil,
Berisi sepatu ballet,
Buat si puteri hati.

Aku diam. Aku faham. Dia salahkan dirinya atas kematian ibunya. Seolah-olah dia cuba memberitahu bahawa disebabkan dirinya yang mahukan sepatu ballet itu, ibunya dijemput Illahi. Aku yakinkan padanya bahawa ibunya pasti mahu dia memakainya dan menari ballet. Sepatu ballet itu hadiah dari ibunya yang mahukan anaknya bergembira dan bukan bersedih. Dia lihat mataku.Mungkin mencari sinar kebenaran. Dia angguk kemudiannya lantas memakai kasut sambil menarikan tarian ballet yang indah.

Tapi aku sendiri gusar tentang apa yang aku tuturkan. Aku tak yakin. Aku tak tahu. Aku hanya berharap itu yang dihajatkan oleh si ibu. Madeline menarilah sayang. Menarilah tarian ballet itu, buat ibumu yang mungkin melihat di atas sana.

The Snow Globe

2009-06-17T23:03:00.002+08:00

Today as i began packing my things, i stumbled across a snow globe. A present from a friend of mine, Michael Lancaster. Hurm, i sigh. Here it is. The snow globe. My first ever snow globe. I look at it. Full of memories. I shake it. The snow began falling in the globe covering the cute bear. It sang a Christmas song. Soothing and melodious. I look at it without blinking for a second.Then it struck me. This snow globe is not JUST a snow globe. It means a lot to me.

I can't focus on packing. Everything a mess. I look inside the box. The box full of my beloved treasure. My treasure box. Once it used to be my favourite things. Inside the box, a few other things left there untouched. Covered with dust. I touch each one of it after a long time. Clean it and walaaaaaahhh it look brand new. I hug it protectively. Feeling the texture and then caress the beautiful workmanship. I became a child once more. Gawking laughing and caressing each of my toy.

My eyes laid back to the snow globe which i placed a side before. I hold it, shake it and let the snow fall over again. I smile. The memories back me to the time when it all happen. The time when i received the snow globe. That day, as usual i walk with Michael to school. Each of us holding the brown paper bag which holds our lunch. I giggle with happiness as i peer into mine and there neatly tug in the bag, a big piece of brownies. Michael make a face as he only have sandwiches.Hand in hand we walked. At the school, we sat side by side. Grinning as we pass Nadeline whom as always trying to tie her shoelaces.

When the recess time came, we shared our food. At the table, Jess and Jack the twin were arguing about who shall color the coloring book that their parents just bought. I look fascinatingly as Michael blow up a bubble as big as his face. Later it goes pop! and i laugh hysterically as he whine while trying to remove the bubble gum he chewed from his face. We played and played all day long. Mrs Gilbert scolded me when i jump from my stool and splutter my bottle of water.

Mr Grim had a hard time pronouncing my name and kept asking whats my name. " Is it a-dy-la or za-fer-ra or xu-en? How to pronounce this by the way pointing to the word xuen. So i wrote sue anne=xuen. He scratched his head. Then ask me to sit. Back at home, i went to Michael's. He showed me a round ball, transparent, theres a bear in it, and when shake a song is heard and snow falls everywhere. I look amazed.

Then he asked me, "Do you like it, Sue Anne?"

Me, "Yes, i do. Its beautiful. Wow this is amazing. Much cooler than the Barney stuff toy."

He chuckled. Then he said. " Well, in that case it yours from now on. Its for you." He handed me the snow globe.

Me, " Well, thank you. Michael what do you like in return? Still admiring my snow globe

He giggles and said " No, nothing. Its a present dumbo. You dont have to give something back."

Later next day, i bought him a cool red plastic car which he takes with him everywhere he went. We are the happiest kids on the block.

Urm, i guess i miss my childhood so much. I miss you, Michael Lancaster. Where ever you are now, i wish you led a happy life. Thanks for the memories. And i do treasure this snow globe of yours. Its the best snow globe ever. I swear it does.

Kasih Seorang Abang...

2009-06-16T23:32:00.001+08:00

Abang telefon. Richard telefon. Macam tak percaya je dia nak telefon. Lepas aku jerit-jerit dekat dia mogok tak puas hati dia tak nak balik haritu. Ya aku ada luahkan dekat entri ini. Masa tu, memang sedih campur marah habis dekat dia. Tapi sekarang dah tak marah. Bukannya aku jenis yang marah lama-lama. Tambah pula dia tu orang yang aku sayang. Lagi la kejap tu je pun. Lepas korang pujuk-pujuk terus sejuk..Ini gedik namanya ye. Hahaha.

Apa-apa pun, hari ini Richard telefon. Gembira? Sudah pasti. Richard tanya macam-macam. Dah macam polis pencen lak dia tu. Tapi aku suka. Tandanya tu, dia sayang adik perempuan dia ni. Hehehe. Aku nangis la juga pasal isu UiTM aku tu. Beria-ria padahal dah okay je lepas semua clarify things untuk aku. Terima kasih semua. Kini lebih yakin dan tak berbelah bahagi. Tapi menangis nad dapat simpati. Aku memang suka mengada-ngada dengan dia pun. Kesian dia dapat adik perempuan banyak hal. Abang-abang sekalian sila amik perhatian ya. Hahaha.

Tapi dengan keluarga terdekat je aku akan buat perangai mengada aku ni. Dengan kawan jangan haraplah. Aku ni calm cool and collected. Ayat ni ayat puji diri sendiri. Dan abang pun pujuk pujuk la aku. Dan cuba rasuah aku dengan nak belikan aku patung Barney baru. Haahah... Sayang kan dia dekat aku. Aku pun sayang dia. Lepas tu, asyik gelak-gelak jelah cerita pasal kawan aku dan kehidupan dia. Seronok cakap dengan dia. Seorang pendengar yang baik sabar dan seorang yang memberikan fikiran bernas. Perbualan dalam Bahasa Inggeris di alih bahasakan kepada Bahasa Melayu kerana hari ini posting Bahasa Melayu.

Suka pose entah apa-apa. Gedik dan masih tak berpunya. Sanggup ke dapat adik ipar macam aku. Hahaha- gelak jahat.

Abang: Xuen mei mei, hari jadi kamu dah nak sampai dah minggu depan. 23 Jun tarikh keramat.Hahaha-gelak jahat. Kamu nanti akan jadi tua. Umur 18 tahun.
Xuen : Abang ni dah tak ada benda lain ke nak cakap. Suka hatilah kalau Xuen umur 18 pun.Xuen camni juga. Tetap mengada dan sebagainya terutama dengan abang. Haha-gelak
jahat.
Abang: Kamu memang macam tu. Nak hadiah apa ini? Mahal pun tak apalah. Adik perempuan abang seorang je pun.
Xuen : Tak nak apa-apa. Nak abang balik Malaysia je. Senang kan?
Abang: Diam buat lima minit. Bukan tak nak balik la sayang, tapi abang ada banyak thesis kena buat ini. Bukan apa, kalau abang balik nanti buku rujukan susah nak cari. Abang pun rindu juga nak balik sana. Jumpa Mama dan Papa. Janganlah macam ni sayang.
Xuen : Tak nak apa-apalah. Betul. Xuen tak perlukan hadiah cuma perlukan keluarga dan rakan
Abang: Abang minta maaf okay? Nantilah Christmas abang balik ye? Janganlah sedih. Dengar suara pun tahu kamu sedih. Abang Steven balik nanti sayang. Kamu boleh main dan tengok kartun dengan dia. Boleh main kejar-kejar. Kan kamu suka?
Xuen : Kan bagus abang ada juga nanti? Xuen nak pergi belajar nanti. Abang tak balik cut ni. Bila nak jumpa lagi? Xuen rindu abang.
Abang : Nanti abang lawatlah Xuen. Okay? Abang janji.
Xuen : Okay. *senyum gembira* Abang cari kan baju atau apa jelah barang Little Miss T. Mama dah dermakan Xuen punya yang lama. Xuen sayang gila. Xuen nak boleh?
Abang : Boleh. Tapi Abang tak janji sebab taste abang teruk. Hahaha- gelak jahat Abang beli yang kamu tak kan pakai tapi guna nanti. Dah ada yang spesial dah. Tanya Steven.
Xuen : Malaslah. Nanti Xuen cari sendiri. Sitiawan tak ada baju tu.
Abang: Okaylah sayang. Abang nak pergi keluar ni. Nak pergi makan. Nanti abang hantar mesej
ya.
Xuen : Ok Abang. Jaga diri baik-baik. Belajar rajin rajin. Xuen sayang Abang. Muah
Abang: Kamu tu jaga diri. Makan ubat. Belajar rajin rajin. Jangan nakal-nakal okay. I love you
too.

Tulah abang aku. Sengal tak dia? Kasih seorang abang yang beza jenis darah. Tapi yang buat aku geram tu setiap kali dia nak letak telefon mesti cakap. Jaga diri, makan ubat, belajar rajin-rajin, jangan nakal-nakal dan saya sayang Xuen. Masalahnya aku ni tak adalah nakal. Perlukah dia kata begitu. Urgh Abang. Abang Xuen sayang abang. Walau abang busuk, jahat, mengada gedik tak faham Mandarin :p dan sengal air, Abang masih abang yang baik. Terima kasih Abang!

p/s: Sapa rajin nak tengok - tengokkan outlet Little Miss T tu cakaplah. Teringin habis. Terima kasih atas kerjasama anda. Apa yang penting? Kerjasama!

Finale Goodbye...

2009-06-15T22:13:00.001+08:00

I went to school today. My last day of school. It was tearful. Went to freaking long assembly. I loathe assemblies. Make it short damn it. They had this Drugs prevention week launch on. Urgh the talk was miserably boring. I paid attention anyway. Most probably i am sad. Like shit. And during assemblies i search for familiar faces. Guess who i search for? Yes i am searching Kok Chin Siang. Damn it! I miss him. And the thought im going make my heart hurt like hell. This wasnt something i make out.

Scary as it. To be leaving and to leave someone you know and you turn to love. It hurt. It sad. I saw him. He smile. The last smile im going to see before i leave. I look at my classmate face. This assemblies had somehow gave me the opportunity i need. To study their face and memorise them. Those cute smile, those beautiful faces, the tyrant who monkey with me, the one that really ask me for notes, the one who laugh and talk about those stupid things with me. I am going to miss them. Miss them badly. When will i see them. I am scared of the thought i be leaving.

I told them i be leaving. They look shocked. Stricken gawk and look me in awe. For a moment the moment of silence struck us. We said nothing. Stared at each other. After the moment, someone manage to ask where to. I look at their face. My heart just plunge into 1000 of pieces. I managed after a few minutes to utter, " UiTM Kedah. They congratulate me. I fake a smile. Then we hug. My tears run down my cheek. And all of a sudden i began to cry. It get very ugly. They kisses me on both cheeks. The guys shake hand with me. Tight firm squeezing type of shake hand. Make silly joke for the last time.

Trying not to cry. Guess i fail. Credit to someone

Some cried and hell me too. I just cant hold back my tears. I be leaving the people i learn to love.The people i reach out to. The people that once i let in. Yam Yue Kit was in denial when he said his not going to miss me. Because when Sara ask him he said of course he do. Yue Kit i miss you la darling. Bainun and Ayu and Kakak make me cry the most. They hug and said goodbye.

At the end of the classes, Lai Kit who already shifted to new classes with most of my classmate, leaving only 10 people in Biology 2. Wave goodbye at me and send me a flying kiss. Shit Lai Kit. I was bloody tearful. And im so going to miss you like crazy. Your sexy ass and your flute and trombone tune. T_T At the parking lot, met Lai Kit with Duing Yew. They parked right beside my car. I ask him for his number. He was so fun to talk to. And he scribble his number on my palm.

Neatly written was,

Xoxoxoxox Lai Kit,

0175xxxxxx

miss me :)

And i will. I will miss all of you that have cross my path. You guys are worth missing. I love you guys. Take care and all the best to you'll. I came back someday. We can go monkey together like always. Yue Kit we will bicker tease run and play tic-tac-toe again someday. Someday is just a period. Hugs and kisses. And to the time this was written down, tears kept streaming down my cheeks.

Jendela Luka...

2009-06-14T21:32:00.001+08:00

Lihat luar jendela itu,
Kisah luka retak seribu,
Kucing dan burung juga tahu,
Hari datang makin pilu.

Dan perit hati makin dalam,
Kalau cuba selam kamu tenggelam,
Resah lelah dalam kelam,
Esok akan selalu malam.

Cahaya makin hilang,
Liku jalan makin tegang,
Satu demi satu aku pegang,
Tapi makin hari ia tinggal lubang.

Sakit ini aku tak mengerti,
Tidak satu aku akan pasti,
Cuma aku seorang srikandi,
Tidak hanya berdiam diri.

Semangat juang aku tanam,
Tak akan aku biar ia benam,
Ke lubuk jauh dalam,
Mati dalam kelam.

Langit masih biru,
Jendela masih di situ,
Cermin retak seribu,
Argh aku tak mahu tahu!

Hari aku banyak makna,
Kalau tidak aku pasti merana,
Dia hanya patung pirana,
Yang gigit tinggalkan nanar.

Lihat, buta;
Dengar, tuli;
Cakap, bisu;
Hati, mati!

Dan satu hari dia datang kembali,
Bersama jendela luka,
Retak seribu bersama kenangan lalu,
Kala itu aku serah diri lalu

Lalu.
Aku pergi
Hilangkan diri
Bersama jendela luka
Aku sendiri

Entah kenapa? Jangan kamu tanya. Nanti aku cerita. Kalau aku sudi kongsi. Sedih pilu hati ini.

Rain on me

2009-06-14T01:05:00.000+08:00

Sunny days
Where have you gone?
I get the strangest feeling you belong
Why does it always rain on me?

Is it because I lied when I was seven?
Why does it always rain on me?
Even when the sun is shining
I can't avoid the lightning

I can't stand myself
I'm being held up by an invisible man
Still life on a shelf when
I got my mind on something else

"Why does it always rain on me?"

Makanan Gembira

2009-06-13T00:35:00.004+08:00

Hari ini pergi ke Mc Donalds sebab Abang Ash gedik nak pergi makan Mc Deluxe dia. Apa kes aku tak tahu. Padahal kalau dia dekat New Zealand tu selalu la makan benda alah tu. Aku jadi adik yang baik dan tak derhaka kepada abangnya yelah tu Xuen, bukan ko gedik nak makan Mcflurry ke? pergilah ke McD dengan taatnya.

Sesampai dekat McD, dengan bangga memesan set McDonald's Happy Meal. Abang punya muka merah menahan malu. Hahaha. Owh dengan McFlurry sekali. Siap suruh letak Orea bebanyak. Suka hatilah! :p Pastu duduk sambil sembang dengan Abang. Tetiba teringat sesuatu.

Hari ini Joe umumkan pemenang pertandingan dia lah. Lepas tu senyum dekat Abang sambil puji rambut dia cantik. Baju kasut dan segalanya cantik semata-mata untuk pinjam Iphone dia untuk online. Dia kedekut gila. Cakap aku nak bagi rosak pula. Mana ada! Bukan orang ambil dan campak telefon dia pun. Lepas buat muka sedih nak menangis baru dia bagi -_-". Abang Ash kejam! Abang Ash kejam - sambil mencebikkan muka dan menjelir lidah. Teknik ini sangat comel ya rakan-rakan sila buat bersama-sama Xuen.

Lepas curi-curi buka mesej dia dan membuat misscall ke entah sesiapa yang pasti perempuan aku mula mengonline. Huisy, best gila pakai telefon online. Taip joegrimjow.blogspot.com dan dush dush dush muncullah entri paling comel dengan tajuk tanyaku sekarang. Jangan tanya aku tapi tanyalah encik Joe sendiri kenapa tajuk entri beliau berbunyi begitu. Hahahaha-gelak secara jahat dan berhemah. Sapa rasa nak join gelak secara berjemaah ok juga perhaps dapat 70 kali bala. Hahahaha.

Tengok tengok macam tak ada nama aku. Mula la ni nak bersedihan. Memang la kan sah sah aku tak layak menang NO 1, 2 dan 3. Ceh, ada hati berangan! Tapi tak salah berangan angan apa? Lepas tu nampak satu nama ini. Cik Xuen. Sapa lah nama sedap sangat ni. Lalalalala~ Tekan link. Eyh macam kenal je background belakang blog pelangi ni. Siap ada muka aku lagi tu. Dah sah sah blog aku pun kan? Hahaha. Yay! Sambil menari tarian Egypt. tindak balas aku amat memalukan. Semua orang lihat. Muka Abang Ash merah padam. Dia tarik aku duduk. Aku sengih dan siyes macam kerang busuk. Aku makan makanan gembira- direct translation Happy Meal. Dan amat gembira. Thanks Joe! Thanks Abang Ash sebab bagi adikmu yang comel, baik hati, patuh serta sopan ni online guna Iphone kesayangan.

Saya suka Makanan Gembira. Saya suka McDonalds. Im lovin it. Lalalalalala~

Nota Peluk Cium : Aku minta maaf ya! Aku tak bermaksud untuk buat awak kurang tidur atau buat kerja awak bertambah banyak dan berlambak. Aku minta maaf aku menangis. Aku tahu aku salah. Maafkan aku? Adelaide kalau cuaca panas pun sila lah sejukkan hati ko sikit.

Single As I See It

2009-06-11T23:31:00.000+08:00

Singleton life brings me joy.Really.

I often get raised eyebrows, when it comes to the question about all this relationships, seeing that I'm just alright with or without special company.

My thought is when the time comes than it'll happen.
To me its like, if it works out, it works out. If it doesn't, too bad.
But right now I'm totally happy with everything in despite of the accident of course.
In fact I don't give a damn about this subject for a LONG time.

I befriended with guys because I love to have their company not
that I have any particular feelings towards any of my duddetes,if you get what I mean.
Because if I do I'll show some hints.Or else than we're just good.

I may call you but doesn't mean that I want to have a special relation with you
and putting you the first in my list may just be because you did that
first and I'm just being polite by doing that back.

no hard feelings

Its not cool to fight over things like "i thought we had that something but we don't,it sucks.and goodbye forever" .
We're friends.
The chemistry is there and I believe the bond is stronger than any other.
Right?
And of course I don't want to lose any of my friends over anything.

It's getting bored writing here coz it feels like I'm talking to myself.

So yeah. Chill as life goes...
If you like it, then you should have put a ring on it.
Best quote yet.

Main Hujan

2009-06-10T00:18:00.000+08:00

Hujan turun rintik-rintik,
Aku lihat aku terperanjat,
Datang tetiba tiada petunjuk,
Aku gembira aku sambut.

Aku lari anak ke luar,
Penuh pengharapan agar makin lebat,
Mama kata jangan nanti aku pinar,
Kata-kata dia aku tolak tepi busut.

Hujan hujan hujan hujan,
Aku nyanyi kecil dan menari,
Hujan hujan hujan hujan,
Jangan berhenti dan turun lagi.

Aku tertawa gembira,
Basah kuyup aku ditimpa hujan,
Aku sungguhnya gembira,
Tak perlu rakam pakai Nikon.

Aku depa tangan luas,
Sambut hujan dalam pelukanku panas,
Aku hadap mukaku keatas,
Harap DIA lihat mukaku puas.

Hujan itu rahmat,
Bermain hujan itu nikmat,
Hujan itu berkat,
Buat semua yang tahu hormat.

Tarian Inggeris Ballroom Dancing ku tari,
Lagak aku seperti menari dengan putera idaman,
Satu, dua, tiga langkah aku buat dengan peri,
Pejamkan mata dan aku rasai putera itu baunya nyaman.

Tatkala hujan menyimbah,
Aku berimaginasi yang bukan-bukan,
Tapi mimpi itu aku rasakan indah,
Tapi aku masih lagi siuman.

Hujan turun lah lagi,
Beri aku peluang untuk menikmati,
Hanya buat kali ini.

Aku main hujan. Seronok sejuk biru. Masih demam lagi. Aku suka berfantasi. Tapi aku tahu apa itu realiti. Hujan hujan hujan datanglah lagi. Hujan hujan hujan bawalah aku pergi. Cuma buat kali ini. Aku gembira tertawa dan teruja. Harap kamu juga.

Goodbye Monkey..

2009-06-09T23:19:00.000+08:00

I love today. Had a long day with my mum. It is so exciting. Went to the hospital. I detest hospital anyway. As freaking early in the morning. At 8.00 am. But the queue was damn long. I had number 88. Lucky? Nah. What was i doing at the hospital?

Basically i get offer to Matric Malacca but i rejected. I cant bare Additional Mathemathics. So screw it and i wave it goodbye. Then a few other offers which i turn down as well. Haha i am choosy for my future. Dont whine people. At last i chose UiTM Kedah which offers public administration. Dont ask why. I had to many dilemmas to answer yours. Lolx. So have to do the medical check ups.

Mummy and i hop to the X-ray room and then the urine test room. I had uber fun with both. I strip down and run naked in the X-ray room. Joking only dream on. Lolx. And at the urine test room met with this Chinese fella who is so sweet yet shy. Cute owh. Then we had to go to another room to check for body weight and height and eye test. But the waiting are so killing us both.At the door while waiting. Mummy already want to put on her sleep mode while i look around.

Me: Mummy?
Mom: What?
Me: Look the TV is missing! 0_o"
Mom: So?
Me: I want to watch cartoon. At this time (checking my watch) they had Casper on. OMG i need TV.
Mom: Haiz just sit here and play with your cellphone la. Everytime watch cartoon only!
Me: I want TV. I want to watch cartoon.
Mom: Shh...I want to take a nap.
Me: But mummy! (sending text message to someone in Aussie. Apparently this dude just finnish his work and wanted to sleep. WTH?)
Mom: Zzzzzz.
Me: I want TV. I want to watch cartoon. I want TV. I want to watch cartoon. I want TV. I want to watch cartoon. I want TV. I want to watch cartoon. I want TV. I want to watch cartoon. I want TV. I want to watch cartoon. I want TV. I want to watch cartoon. I want TV. I want to watch cartoon. I want TV. I want to watch cartoon. I want TV. I want to watch cartoon. I want TV. I want to watch cartoon.

People: Look at me with that big eyes of theirs. Urgh.

I keep chanting that until Mummy get pretty darn annoying and brought me to vending machine and give me hot nescaffe. She refuse to give me cold nescaffe. So i keep on chanting. Ceh, she refused to buy me a cold one! Wish Daddy was there.

Then at 1 something when to buy some other stuff. I pick up new night gowns. I fall in love with the monkey picture printed on it. So cute. Small little monkey with white backgrounds and purple lace. It just love. So after picking bras panties and lotsa other girly stuff which i prefer not to list down to avoid you guys from puking so yeah i went to the counter.

Emo-ed after didnt get monkey printed night gown. tsk tsk tsk

At the counter, the cashier a guy put my monkey night grown dress a side. So i ask him why? He said no bar code. So i said its the same price with the flower printed night gown. but he refused to punch it. WTH? *insert multiple curse languages here*

Me whinning- I want my monkey. I want my monkey. I want my monkey.
My lil brother- Shhh.. You make me embarass. Hide himself behind plastic bag
Me- I want my monkey. I want my monkey. I want my monkey.
Mummy- Go find new one la. Here money.

Excitedly i went and damn it! No monkey printed night gown. What the hell. *Curse curse curse* but pick new one. At the counter glare at the guy cashier and I want my monkey. I want my monkey. I want my monkey.

In his heart he gotta be saying whats her problem anyway? Obsessing over monkey printed night gown?

Damn you! I love that monkey printed night gown. Arghhhhhhhh..
Bye Monkey printed night gown.. tsk tsk tsk

Berenang dan Hilang

2009-06-08T23:07:00.000+08:00

Hari ini pergi berenang di pantai. Seorang tanpa teman. Membawa diri. Berkelakuan amat aneh. Aku maksudkan aku. Aku makin keliru. Tak perlu aku kata apa masalah aku. Sebab aku pun tak tahu apa masalahnya. Aku hanya ada masalah.Aku dan masa berperang. Aku perlu berfikir. Tentang apa? Aku belum pasti.

Yang pasti aku pergi. Ke pantai. Bau udara masin. Lihat pasangan bercengkerama. Lihat keluarga itu bergurau senda. Lihat lelaki itu sedang mengintai si gadis. Langit yang biru, awan yang mendung, angin sepoi-sepoi bahasa dan camar putih mencari makanan. Aku bentang tikar, letak kudapan, buka baju, ya buka baju! Aku harus mandi bukan? Aku sapu losyen dekat badanku. Aku baca buku. Tapi sumpah satu apa pun aku tak faham. Orang lalu depan aku, pandang semacam. Peduli apa aku?

Aku senyum pada yang senyum dan cuka. Aku lirik mataku pada anak muda itu. Sah aku tak ada kerja. Aku masuk dalam air. Mandi menikmati air yang sejuk. Masin juga. fikiran makin lapang. Bohong kalau aku kata aku tak meluat lihat mereka yang berikan aku pandangan semacam. Aku tak pasti mengapa. Seperti biasa aku tak masuk campur urusan mereka. Aku bahagia. Adakah? Aku tak pasti.

Berenang dan berenang dan berenang lagi. Aku naik bila aku rasa penat. Makan kudapan. Lap badan. Sambung baca. Kali ini aku baca dan lemas dalam fikiran. Dunia hilang dan hilang. Bila langit biru tukar merah, Awan makin gelap, angin makin kuat, camar putih pulang sarang aku pulnag. Aku sarung baju. Kemas dan menuju ke kereta.

Aku pulang. Dalam kereta makin jauh aku dari pantai beban itu hilang. Tak banyak sedikit cuma. Aku pasrah. Air itu pasti bawa ia pergi jauh dalam ombak. Kuat ganas dan menghempas ke tepian. Aku bukan seorang yang puitis tidak juga romantis. Aku adalah aku. Seadanya. Manusia yang punya masalah dan agenda.

p/s: Jangan buka baju depan orang. Orang tengok ;p

I Dream Of Being Happy...

2009-06-07T23:43:00.001+08:00

Things were lot easier when I was younger
and I'm sure to all of you.
I miss running around at Singapore with Richard and Steven.
The worst decision I ever need to make was either to
watch power rangers turbo or to continue beating each other using
a baseball stick.(by the time,it was truly a dilemma i swear!)

I miss to taste his mom's apple pie and gingerbread biscuit.
the room we used to spray together and the mummy he bought
which was really creepy but so so cool.Because it has the same smell
like the one in the museum. :)
I miss to sleep together in sleeping bags in the living room.
I miss his stupid magic he bound to repeat again and again
but I still got awed everytime.
Maybe I just look up on him too much.

I miss pressing Nick house's bell again and again til his dad got mad(really mad)
I miss hearing Magdalene playing her piano from the park.
I miss every single detail from my childhood.To be treated like a child.
By the time,I still remember how it feels to have abrother and
dozens of family members.
Money means nothing at all and whats more important than
having good times with family and friends and ice creams.

Everything has changed.God knows where everyone is.
Our years had long gone but somehow they're alive in my thoughts
and the laughter we had kept on flooding me
every time life has not treated me the way it should.
People seem to have their own agendas and as for me,
I'm still whirling in contradictions.
Trying to find my own pace.
Leaving me with tougher decisions than I last had to make.

But I'll live.Its just that,sometime things get so tangled up
and makes you prefer to look back and hang on the past until you're
afraid to let go.

I just wish the old man from the movie 17 again exist
and bring me back to the time where I don't even know
what stress means.Or feel.

Sometimes dreams are a lot happier than reality

p/s: Trying very hard to chase dark clouds away. Be patient everyone. Silver lining are just rare nowadays :(

Awan Hitam

2009-06-06T15:46:00.000+08:00

Awan hitam berarak menghampiri,
Melindungi cahaya matahari,
Aku cuba berlindung dari dibasahi,
Tetapi apakan daya aku gagal sendiri.

Awan hitam bergerak lambat tapi pasti,
Cahaya matahari semakin dilindungi,
Aku makin resah gelisah menangisi,
Aku makin tak percaya matahari pergi.

Pergi awan hitam pergi,
Pergi dan jangan kembali,
Pergi berhenti menghantui,
Aku, aku belum mahu mati.

Awan hitam kau tolong pergi,
Jangan sampai aku panggil matahari,
Awan hitam kau buat aku sendiri,
Jangan sakitkan hati aku lagi.

Awan hitam pergi aku benci,
Awan hitam kau bukan sexy,
Awan hitam cis kau lebih menyakitkan hati,
Pergi kau sebelum aku, aku tak pasti!

Aku amat stress barangkali. Sila abaikan jika perkataan puisi ini menyakitkan hati jiwa dan perasaan kalian. Tak berkenaan dengan kalian cuma sahaja aku luahkan. Tapi jangan kalian risau, di balik awan hitam, mentari akan muncul. Dan pada satu masa pelangi bakal menyinar semula.

Dengan cinta,
Xuen Adyla

Cut Me Into Paper...

2009-06-05T18:24:00.000+08:00

Your words mean a lot, so when they get uttered in the wrong way- they hurt a lot too. They hurt and bring down and they make the past two years of effort seem bloody pointless.

Because I wouldn't be this size if it weren't because of you. And well, since you said it- Yeah, I cannot wait, to be gone. It'd probably save all your chicken cutting hassle.

And you. I do dots and swirls. I do denim minis and tees with big bags, flats and big earrings. Now what would you do without all that pictured out I wonder. We'll see when I'm not here.
I want to swim till my arms break, and run till my legs snap. And loose all this unnecessary weight. Freaking everything.
Screw, you.

Gula- Gula Getah

2009-06-04T20:58:00.001+08:00

Gula-gula getah,
Semakin kunyah semakin seronok,
Gula-gula getah,
Semakin digigit semakin asyik.

Gula-gula getah,
Banyak warna banyak perisa,
Gula-gula getah,
Banyak liat banyak guna.

Gula-gula getah,
Biasa-biasa sahaja,
Gula-gula getah,
Hadiahku buat si dia.

Gula-gula getah,
Murah dan senang diperolehi,
Gula-gula getah,
Moga-moga dihargai.

Gula-gula getah,
Tatkala kunyah hilang resah,
Gula-gula getah,
Mengimbau kembali kenangan terindah.

Gula-gula getah,
Kenyal enak bergetah,
Gula-gula getah,
Sekali lekat tanggal susah.

Gula-gula getah,
Tatkala jilat tergigit lidah,
Gula-gula getah,
Sakitnya lidah sendiri susah.

Gula-gula getah,
Tertelan kemudian lekat di hati,
Gula-gula getah,
Masam manis tidak terperi.

Gula-gula getah,
Disalat di baju saya.
Gula-gula getah,
Bila terkena rasa terseksa.

Gula-gula getah,
Dibuang merata-merata,
Gula-gula getah,
Hanya menyusahkan orang sahaja!

If I Could Make You Stay...

2009-06-03T17:32:00.000+08:00

I was supposed to get him outta my mind. Shit, Nashrin (if you are wondering he is the guy who wrote the love letter) i can bear the thought u leaving for Russia soon. Why on Earth? Call me anything you want but by this time you really got to know that you are best friend i treasure more than anything else. Its sad but im moving forward. I know i be okay because you tell me so right? Because you promise you will call, you will chat and you will always be you. I was hoping ok perhaps not was. Was like a past tense. So i am hoping you hold to your promises because if you dont my heart will break and urgh i dunno. And yeah i cant imagine the consequences if you do which i 100% hope you don't. Dude i'll miss you.

As you grow older
People you think you know your whole life
Seems like a stranger
No more black and white
Everythings clearer now
No matter how much
It'll hurt you

You still have to accepts whats in front of you
Whats reality holds for you
You lose families,friends,love
For bloody reasons you can't even understand nor
stop it from swallowing everything you built with your whole guts
You know the real meaning of tears
You'll understand that life is not all about rainbows but storms
too
You'll hope that time could reverse itself
Where everything's still theway back then.
And if and only if i could make you stay
I would do that.
Be it now tommorrow or for the future!

Dear blogger friends, i just cant say goodbye. My heart will break if i did. And its hard for me to move forward. Not an easy task. I gamble my chances that i cure but 40% i know i will. But someday. Yes Nashrin im so gonna miss you. 100 reasons why not to miss you is just nil. Buddy take care. I be here in case you need me. A mirror to yourself. A friend that slaps you back to reality. Nashrin i wish i could kill you but you are to precious to be kill. I be okay Nash. I think.

Jari Itu Menari Tarian Yang Terakhir Buatku...

2009-06-02T23:06:00.000+08:00

Nashrin, kau tahu bukan aku benci untuk ucap selamat tinggal? Maafkan aku kerana tidak mengucapkan kata-kata itu. Bagi aku ucapan selamat tinggal itu sumpahan. Aku tak tegar mengucapkan sumpahan itu. Tak juga aku sanggup mendengarnya lahir dari mulutmu. Maafkan aku. Aku tahu kau membaca blog aku ini, jadi aku harap kau baca ini juga. Ini cara aku mendoakan kau selamat pergi. Harap kau mengerti di sebalik mengapa aku tak ucapkannya. Aku manusia biasa punya banyak karenahnya. Layankan aku buat kali terakhir.

Hari ini hari terakhir kau bersamaku,
Kau jemput aku bagi meraikan pemergianmu,
Kau ingin kejar impian kau di masa lalu,
Aku redha cuma aku tak sanggup kehilanganmu.

Kau kawan yang baik dan bermakna bagiku,
Kadangkala aku cemburu dengan kejayaanmu,
Kau begitu sempurna dimataku,
Dalam diam aku merancang untuk membunuhmu.

Aku hadir jua walau hatiku luka melihat wajahmu,
Aku benci bila kau ketawa gembira meninggalkanku,
Aku hanya memerhati bercakap bila perlu dan terus membisu,
Aku tak marah Nashrin, aku hanya cemburu.

Aku tak layan cemburuku kerna aku tahu ia milikmu,
Aku pura pura tuk untuk gembira di depanmu,
Aku tahu kau betul - betul berhak terhadap citamu,
Siapakah aku untuk membataskan niatmu?

Kau mainkan lagu yang meruntun kalbu,
Aku menjadi hanyut buat seketika dalam not merdu,
Lagu yang kau mainkan di atas pianomu,
Penuh tertib serta lirikan matamu dengan penontonmu.

Jari jari runcing itu menari-nari atas pianomu,
Kau kelihatan bertenaga sambil menyanyikan lagu,
Sesekali kau senyum manis terhadapku,
Aku pula lihat jari-jari itu menari tarian terakhir buatku.

Dulu jari-jari itu rajin membantuku,
Jari-jari itu juga mengesat air mataku,
Jari-jari itu mengajar aku bermain pianomu,
Jari-jari itu yang besoknya sudah tiada lagi buatku.

Jari-jari itu memainkan lagu sayu,
Nada yang sedih mendayu-dayu,
Lagu yang pernah kau ajarkanku dulu,
Jari - jari yang kasar itu setia denganmu.

Argh hatiku makin sayu,
Aku lihat kau gembira begitu,
Bukan salahmu untuk pergi mengejar citamu,
Tapi salah aku dan cemburu butaku.

Aku takut kau pergi dan tak ingatkanku,
Susah bagiku untuk mendapatkan sahabat baik sepertimu,
Tak mungkin akan ada yang boleh menganti tempatmu,
Kau satu dalam seribu.

Maafkanku teman tak ucap selamat jalan buatmu,
Aku benci tatkala aku harus menyebut perkataan itu,
Lidah aku jadi kelu seperti ada batu,
Tapi kawan dalam hati aku berdoa agar kau temu citamu itu.

Perpisahan sesuatu yang sukar buatku. Nashrin kau pergi belajar dekat Rusia nanti baik-baik tau. Aku masih perlukan teman untuk melayan kerenah gilaku. Kau teman baikku. Aku cemburu kau dapat pergi Rusia belajar. Tapi dari dulu kau nak sangat jadi doktor bukan? Aku doakan kau berjaya. Aku sayang kau jadi berat hati aku mahu ucap selamat tinggal. Hanya yang aku mampu aku zahirkan dalam puisi. Aku kan puitis. Aku bakal rindu kau. Selamat pergi beljar ya!

Hello Kitty and The Upper Lips...

2009-06-01T23:35:00.001+08:00

Warning: Do not read if you are having nightmares!

Once there lived a girl who absolutely loved Hello Kitty. She had a huge collection of Hello Kitty merchandise. However, she was a quiet, reserved, soft spoken meek little girl. There were a gang of girls with a mean streak in her class. They saw her as the prime target for their bullying and tormented her each and every schooling day without fail. She was physically, emotionally and verbally abused by them. They sought every opportunity to inflict harm on her. Being experienced bullies, they knew that they had to hit the parts of her body that were covered by her clothes to avoid getting into trouble. They knew that the girl could not and would not retaliate nor would she report any of these incidents to the teacher or her parents.

However as the beatings and taunting progressed the girl would start to mumble "Someday... Someday..." to herself while she winced in pain at the impact and hurt cause by their vicious attacks, but never did she scream or cry out in pain, she did not cry or try to fight back either. She just let it happen, her eyes would turn blank and glassy.

This scared the girls, they were afraid of what she meant by "Someday" they knew that she probably would not be able to take her revenge but still, it disturbed them. Angry that the weak little girl could instill fear in her, the leader of the gang of girls decided that they should get rid of her, to make it such that that "Someday" she constantly mumbled to herself about would not come.

One day late at night, they snuck into the girl's home through an open window, the girl was sleeping in her favourite Hello Kitty pajamas. Her pillowcases, bedsheets, wallpaper, her whole room was decorated with Hello Kitty. But there was no time to waste admiring the decor, they locked the door and shook the girl awake, roughly. Her eyes flew open, they expected to see fear in her dark brown eyes but instead her eyes darkened and became unreadable. Feeling a strange chill run her body cold with dread, the leader of the gang of girls grabbed a fistful of the girl's hair and yanked it hard screaming into her face "WHAT DOES HELLO KITTY SAY?"

The girl did not reply, she just stared blankly at her. Infuriated and afraid the leader commanded her members to hold the girl down, she brandished a knife and shouted "NOTHING because Hello Kitty has NO MOUTH!" With that she sliced off the girl's upper lip. For once, the girl let out a cry of pain, blood rushed out quickly, turning the candy pink bedsheets bloody. But her eyes still remained emotionless. Fear overtook the girls, they were not sure of what to do, they stabbed her brutally in her chest several times before escaping.

The girl died, but the gang of girls would not be able to escape, they only made the situation worse for themselves because now they would be unable to escape her. Every night now and then she wearing her hello kitty pyjama will look at those girls and in return haunts them forever.

That's all for now. Have a good night sleep. Sweet dream and hug and kisses. Hope you will have no nightmare.*evil laugh

Belon Merah Darah...

2009-05-31T23:00:00.000+08:00

Aku rasa kehilangan,
Aku rasa ketenanganku diragut,
Aku rasa bosan kepura-puraan,
Aku rasa fikiranku makin serabut.

Aku belum mahu jadi gila,
Jauh sekali aku meminta-minta,
Tapi apa daya hebat syaitan mempropaganda,
Aku hampir lalai untuk lihat nurnya.

Aku jalan barang dengan dia,
Dia kata jangan takut ada ubatnya,
Tapi aku takut ragu tak terkira,
Pinta-pinta penawarnya akan kujumpa.

Belon merah darah itu,
Menakutkan dan hadiah darinya,
Kata dia sematkan harapan biar ia berlalu,
Semakin tinggi semakin indah rasanya.

Belon merah darah itu,
Hadiah darinya buatku,
Walau hanya sekejap cuma ditanganku,
Bebanku rasa hilang bersama angin lalu.

Belon merah darah itu,
Terbang tinggi dan makin hilang,
Belon merah darah harganya seringgit lima sen itu,
Terbang di langit biru bersama burung helang.

Belon merah darah itu,
Kini hanya memori,
Tapi aku akan abadi di sini,
Kau pergi tak bererti kau mati.

Aku keriangan tatkala diberi satu belon merah. Merah seperti darah. Cantik indah dan SEXY. Hadiah dari adikku. Terharu tatkala belon itu diberikan kepadaku. Aku berbelah bahagi antara semuanya. Kehidupan ini rumit dan aku sukakannya. Tapi kadang-kadang Tuhan menduga dengan bencana. Tak mengapa, aku masih kekal berdiri walau badai melanda.

Kakak High School Musical...

2009-05-29T23:55:00.006+08:00

Sambutan hari guru yang meriah. Sangat best. Persembahan gitar oleh kawan adik-adik aku memang best amat. Aku amat gembira. Satu hari dengan Shin Chan ehem ehem, hahha Sadesh,Jun yen, Hoe Sieng, Shu Wei, Cecilia, Mitchell, Yen, Nicki, Wei Chee, Shu wen, Nano, Si Kaiy, Mei Xian, Zhi Wen, Sok Khim, Wei Chuan, Shawiqa NUR SHAWIQA ok aku gelak tahu nama dia dan banyak lagi aku dah lupa siapa. Haha sengal okay.

Mula- mula nyanyi lagu pantun. Aku telah memalukan diri. Mikrofon dekat tangan aku. Lepas tu aku nyanyilah kan dengan semangatnya. Masa aku nyanyi aku sedar yang lain tak nyanyi aku pun berhentilah. Malu gila. Semua macam mogok sambil cakap nyanyi nyanyi. Masa keluar ada budak ni cakap suara aku sedap comel gila. Sah dia gila. Dia yang cakap bukan aku cakap.Masa aku nyanyi lagu High School Musical, ada tiga je perempuan aku, Yen dan Nicki. Gempak gila. Yang lain manusia yang aku sebut nama dia tadi. Semua menyanyi sama-sama. Akibat budak tu puji suara aku sebelum itu aku senyum nak mati sebab dia asyik tengok. Ceh, malu habis.

Masa nak rehat jalan, aku jalan dengan mereka semua, harap maklum kawan Melayu aku edisi terhad sahaja. Banyak yang cina. Tengah jalan sambil aku masih lagi gedik dalam menyumbangkan lagu(maksud aku nyanyi la. Haiz) Nyanyi lagu Barney And Friends sepenuh jiwa raga. Bukan sepak raga. Harap maklum. Masa tengah nyanyi aku dengar ada yang panggil Kakak high School Musical. AKu tengok ada seorang budak lelaki comel sangat. Aku buat tak endah je.

Lepas tu Shin Chan cakap budak tu panggil aku. Aku pun berhenti dan pandang dekat dia. Aku tanya dia nak apa? Dia cakap nak sain aku. Biar betul budak ni? Apa kes? Shin Chan pula cemburu. Sibuk nak sain sama. Muka Shin Chan lawak gila masa tu. Shin Chan tanya kenapa nak aku punya je? Sebabnya jawab budak itu aku terkenal dan suara comel sedap masa aku nyanyi. Huh? Tak sangka pula. Shin Chan geram. Hahaha aku gelak. Kelakar okay? Aku layan je dengan sain dekat kertas budak itu.

Aku tulis Thanks 4 da compliment! I b back with album so do buy it lotsa! Love Xuen Adyla High School Musical. Gedik sungguh aku ni. Ya! Aku sedar diri! Hahaha

Dah itu aja aku nak cakap. Aku blog lama-lama ada pula yang ketuk aku lagi. Dah demam nak menggedik pula. Sedar diri ya* peringatan kepada sesiapa yang bernama Xuen Adyla.Aku rindu kamu semua. Aku rindu blog ini. Rindukan aku kembali. Ye aku gedik aku tahu. Hahahha. Aku gembira hari ini. Harap kamu juga begitu. Peluk cium serta ciuman terbang buat semua.

Lalaalallalalala~

Doakan Aku...

2009-05-28T16:55:00.000+08:00

Hari yang memenatkan. Berlatih menyanyi(walau aku tak nak, paksa rela) dan atas sebab aku dahulu penyanyi koir. Kononya memiliki suara lemak santan begitu. Sekali rasa nak cuba lagi. Hahaha. Berlatih menyanyi kerana esok ada sambuatn hari guru. Dahlah waktu berlatih tadi mikrofon sikit punya cantik tempat dia. Betul-betul depan muka aku. Apa kes?

Balik je rumah, aku terus pergike klinik. Keputusan makmal dah keluar. Sebelum ni, aku ada buat pemeriksaan tapi doktor kata tak ada apa-apa. Elok je, demam biasa kata mereka. Dan ada seorang blogger lelaki ni, Bu Boyz dia cakap suruh buat lagi. Jadi nak puaskan hati dia dan aku, aku buat juga. Blogger lain yang tumpang sekaki bising suruh aku makan ubat adalah biar aku tengok komen jap.. Apa biar betul semua? Ye, aku tahu korang sayang aku. Terima kasih ya semua. Dup dap dup dap jantung aku nak keluar sebab resah sangat. Dah tu aku pergi seorang pula. Bukan apa malas ajak ramai-ramai. Konsep the more the merrier tidak boleh diaplikasikan di hospital mahupun klinik ya anak-anak. Erk, ko la tu kategori anak-anak Xuen!

Sampai sahaja dekat klinik aku di sambut dengan senyuman manis kakak misi. Aku senyum balik. Nak cakap hai tak terkeluar sebab hari ni gara-gara menyanyi lagu dengan not tinggi serta menjadi harmoni serta penyanyi utama mebuatkan suara aku amat parah. Diaphragm aku sakit tak terkira hari ini. Nasib badanlah gedik lagi tolong kawan. Yen sila bersyukur ya! Aku masih demam. Aduh pening kepala, selsema batuk, semua cukup. Yang terbaru suara lemak merdu aku dah hilang. Erk hampir. Besok nak buat persembahan. Xuen sila senamkan exercise anda hari ini. Lepas tu minum lebih banyak air campur madu.

Aku tengok keputusan. Terkejut terduduk. Sedih. Aku ada demam virus. Dah aku malas nak touching. Teringat masa tahun 2007 mama kena demam virus juga. Tak raya tau tahun tu. Aku malas nak panik. Hidup mesti di teruskan.

Andai diri ini nanti hilang,
Doakan aku supaya tenang,
Jangan kamu rindu dan tangisi,
Aku pasti kembali.

Dengan baiknya hari ini aku duduk rumah. Cuba untuk tidur, baca baca majalah, baca entri korang. Bosan tak buat kerja. Aku hanya main dengan Baa Baa patung biri-biri. Nak tidur takut. Kalau la ada orang nak temankan. Haiz. Aku penat. Aku mahu rehat. Sila rindukan aku sampai esok. Kepada semua yang mendoakan dan menasihati aku terima kasih. Korang yang terbaik. Rindukan aku okay? Kalau tak aku kecil hati nanti. Aku sensitif.Hahaha.

Dunia Kita...

2009-05-27T17:00:00.000+08:00

Khas buat kawan blogger yang di sayangi. Ini untuk kita. Dunia kita kita punya. Aku tahu aku ketagih. Tapi kamu juga tak kurang. Rasa sayang dan cinta sampai ada yang kahwin dua tiga. Maksud aku blog ada dua tiga dan empat barangkali. Aku budak yang fikirannya bersih okay. Hahaha. Dunia kita milik bersama. Aku sayang cinta kamu semua. Ya aku keanak-anakan. Tapi itu aku. Aku tak kisah menjadi aku kerana dunia kita indah untuk dinikmati bersama. Aku kamu amat menarik sexy segala. Kita dan dunia. Bersama-sama.

Aku mahu kongsi sesuatu,
Biasa-biasa sahaja,
Tetapi luarbiasa bagiku,
Dan ini hanya untuk kita-kita sahaja.

Ini mungkin kebudak-budakan,
Seperti biasa aku hanya insan biasa,
Berkongsi berkata tanpa mengharapkan balasan,
Yang pasti begitulah seharian kehidupan kita.

Ada di antara kita berkongsi duka,
Tak kurang juga kita berkongsi kegembiraan,
Ada di antara kita berkongsi cerita,
Tak kurang juga kita berkongsi pengalaman.

Makin lama timbul cinta,
Makin lama timbul rindu,
Makin lama persaan cinta beraja,
Melahirkan bait-bait syahdu.

Kita gembira bersama,
Kita berduka bersama,
Kita satu keluarga lain bangsa,
Tak mengapa ini dunia kita!

Kita bersatu padu dalam apa jua,
Menolong membantu di mana terdaya.
Kita bagai air yang kuat sukar diduga,
Tapi masih berupaya berkongsi kasih cinta.

Aku bangga aku ada kamu semuanya,
Harap kamu juga begitu,
Walau dunia kita tidak indah mana,
Tapi tak mengapa kamu setia menunggu.

Dalam dunia kita,
Aku sayang semua,
Kasih aku tak ada bezanya,
Kamu abang dan kakakku selamanya.

Dunia kita mari kita lakar bersama,
Dunia kita mari kita bergembira,
Dunia kita, kita satu keluarga,
Dunia kita terbaik buatku selamanya.

Cinta ini pasti bersemi,
Tatkala rindu dendam berahi,
Dunia kita dunia fantasi,
Tak mengapa kerana di sini kita serasi.

Dunia kita hanya indah jika ada kamu,
Dunia kita hanya indah jika persahabatan bertamu,
Dunia kita aku dan kamu,
Dunia kita milik aku jua kamu!

Kita gembira bersama,
Kita berduka bersama,
Kita satu keluarga lain bangsa agama,
Tak mengapa ini dunia kita!

Satu Pemergian...

2009-05-26T23:36:00.003+08:00

Makin teruk demam Xuen. Semalam pukul 11.20 malam ambil adik opah dekat pondok dia. Pondok tempat mengaji. Harap maklum. Mula- mula Khalil sepupu aku yang bawa kereta. Perjalanan biasa mengambil masa 45 minit tapi dia bawa 30 minit sahaja. Dalam perjalanan dia tanya macam mana nak laraskan tempat duduk kereta Waja aku tu. Aku dah bagitahu tapi dia masih blur oleh itu aku suruh dia berhenti tepi jalan. Aku turun dan terperasan asal tempat ni sunyi sangat. Sekali pusing baru terperasan rupanya kawasan kubur. Takut tak payah cerita. Kami buat buat tak tahu dan sembang macam biasa. Ambil adik opah sebab kakak ipar Opah meninggal. Jadi memang terdesak sebab tu walaupun dah pukul 12 gagahkan diri juga pergi ambil. Yang dewasa sibuk uruskan rumah bagi menunggu jenazah pulang malam tu juga.

Masa sampai pondok opah tu dia baru nak tidur. Dia ta tahu dan agak terkejut. Kena tunggu dia berkemas semua. Dlm 20 minit. Tengok tengok dah 12 malam. Balik aku pula yang bawa. Khalil dah mengantuk sangat. Aku bawa sampai rumah pukul 12.20pagi. Aku bawa 20 minit je? Memang laju sangat. Kalau takut laju jangan naik dengan aku. Sampai rumah lihat jenazah dah sampai. Mama buka muka tengok. Memang seram sejuk aku.

Pagi pula aku tak pergi sekolah sebab demam panas menggelegak dan kena hadir acara pengkebumian itu. Memang sedih dan aku jujur cakap tak larat sangat. Hari pula hujan lebat. Aku memang kena hujan yang tempias. Akibatnya selesema teruk pula. Memang malang. Lepas tu, pukul 1 tgh ambil adik bongsu dekat sekolah dan terserempak Shin Chan. Dia kenyit mata sambil cakap owh ponteng. Masak la aku besok. Masalahnya satu hari tak datang miscall tak payah cerita la. Meseg 30 tak larat aku jawap.

Kain putih membalut diri,
Kapur barus pewangi diri,
Ciuman terakhir lekat di pipi,
Semoga kau tenang bersemadi.

Hjh Kamariah kau sentiasa dalam ingatan

Mengejar Pelangi

2009-05-25T16:58:00.000+08:00

Bonda pernah bercerita,
Sebuah cerita yang kuanggap realiti,
Kata bonda hujan dan matahari bersama,
Lalu melahirkan 7 anak lain warna bernama pelangi.

Aku mendengar penuh takjub,
Mataku penuh nur pengharapan,
Pelangi itu bagiku ajaib,
Melambangkan apa itu kebahagiaan.

Ayahanda pernah membisikkan jua,
Yang kegembiraan sukar diketemu,
Namun ianya tak mustahil bagi sesiapa,
Kuncinya mudah usaha tanpa rasa jemu.

Pelangi itu cantik dan istimewa,
Aku mahu jadi begitu,
Rasanya tentu bahagia tak terkira,
Tapi indahnya tak selalu.

Pelangi lambang kegembiraan,
7 warna lambang satu kesatuan,
Aku percaya akan kesusahan,
Yang akhirnya diakhiri satu penyudahan.

Kegembiraan adalah sesuatu yang sukar dikecapi,
Selalu menjelma tatkala kesusahan diatasi,
Bak pelangi yang menjelma di waktu hujan dan matahari bersemi,
Melahirkan 7 warna indah cantik berseri-seri.

Satu hari aku menyaksikan pelangi buat pertama kali,
Dalam hati aku memuji kebesaranNYA,
Bagiku pelangi indah walau sementara tapi lekat di hati,
Aku harap semua dapat menikmati kecantikkannya.

Bonda penah berkata satu ketika,
Pelangi itu bagai satu harapan,
Ada kala susah untuk mendapatkan,
Tapi keputusannya tak pernah mengecewakan.

Pesan ayahanda padaku penuh makna,
Wahai anakanda jadilah pelangi,
Walaupun munculnya sekejap cuma,
Tapi warnanya menggembirakan hati insani.

Pada bonda dan ayahanda,
Ingin anakanda nyatakan,
Pelangi itu satu petanda,
Nilai kemanusiaan akan anakanda tegakkan!

Pelangi yang muncul tatkala hujan dan matahari di siang hari. Banyak maknanya kepadaku. Ibarat kesusahan yang diakhiri dengan kegembiraan. Pelangi punya tujuh warna. Mereka bagiku melambangkan kesatuan diantara semua walaupun berlainan warna bangsa agama sebagainya.
Dan bagiku warna warna yang indah itu hanya wujud jika kita mempunyai nilai kemanusiaan serta sudi membantu yang memerlukan. Aku tak boleh paksa kamu tapi aku hanya mengingatkan tentang apa itu nilai kemanusiaan. Nilai kemanusiaan ialah kasih dan sayang kita terhadap manusia lain tanpa mengira agama bangsa dan sebagainya.

Akan ku kejar pelangi itu! Satu hari nati aku pasti dapat. Dan warna itu akan ku kongsi serta bahagi sama rata antara kita semua :)

Si Tua Lagi Uzur

2009-05-24T22:10:00.000+08:00

Entri yang wajar dibaca.Dalam erti kata lain wajib baca. Aku paksa. Tak perlu tinggalkan ulasan cukup sekadar pemberitahuan.Bacalah dengan penuh keinsafan. Bacalah dengan penuh kemanusiaan. Bacalah dan fahamilah serta terangkan padaku apa itu kemanusiaan?

Hari yang memenatkan tatkala demam tak surut lagi. Ya tak surut lagi. Dalam pukul 12 tengah hari pergi la beli barang. Sebab dari hari Jumaat ayah and mama pergi balik kampung dekat Pahang. Aku tinggal seorang. Bukan tak nak ikut tapi ada banyak sangat kelas ganti. Ayah cakap baru buka ni pergilah sebab tak baik ponteng. Jadi tinggallah aku keseorangan kesepian. Hari ini malam sikit baru mereka akan balik, jadi aku bercadang nak masak tomyam untuk mereka. Jadi harus pergi membeli belah. Sebab barangnya tak cukup.

Jadi bersiaplah aku untuk pergi membeli belah bahan dapur. Aku bawa kereta pecut habis. Bukan apa rasa nak pengsan sahaja sebab badan aku panas. Im so hot that i burn. Hahahha.
Dalam aku pecut tu aku lihat seorang pak cik tua sedang mahu melintas. Di sebabkan aku laju sangat, dia kebelakang kembali. Aku risau aku terlanggar dia. Oleh itu, aku berhenti di bahu jalan. Aku lihat pakcik itu sedang kesakitan. Aku jadi belas.

Aku minta maaf kepadanya dalam Mandarin takut dia tak faham Bahasa Melayuku. Dia membalas dalam Hokiien. Ku katakan ku tak pandai cakpa Hokkien. Dia senyum tak mengapa jawabnya.Dalam hati aku menyumpah tindakan aku. Kenapa kau bawa laju tadi Xuen. Kesian pak cik itu. Aku lihat kakinya berdarah. Aku beritahunya aku akan cari tempat letak kereta dahulu. Dan aku suruh dia duduk. Aku letakkan keretaku di tempat letak kereta berdepan tempat pakcik tadi. Aku lihat kiri dan kanan. Aku mencari kedai menjual ubat. Sabarlah pak cik. Perasaan bersalah makin menghantui aku. Aku belikan dia plaster. Aku cuci lukanya dengan air minuman yang ada. Mukanya berkerut menahan sakit. Bergenang air matanya. Maafkanku pakcik. Dia menggeleng sambil tersenyum. Mulianya dirimu yang memaafkan diriku ini.

Aku tanya ke mana dia mahu pergi? Dia hanya menunjukkan seberang jalan. Aku angguk tanda mengerti. Aku mahu seberangkan dia tapi jalan sangat sibuk waktu itu. Maklumlah waktu puncak. Aku terfikir kenapa dia tidak gunakan sahaja jejantas? Argh tapi aku rasa jejantas yang wujud di Malaysia ni bodoh. Tangganya curam. Sapa mahu guna. Kalau orang tua nak angkat kaki pun sakit. Tak larat. Remaja? Aku rasa mereka lebih rela harung jalan yang sesak mana pun. Aku tanya pakcik itu sudi tak naik kereta kancil merahku untuk ke seberang jalan. Walaupun jalannya dengan destinasiku tak sehala tak mengapalah. Tak akan aku mahu biarkan dia keseorangan mengharungi jalan raya yang sibuk menggila ini. Dia menolak. Katanya dia tak layak duduk di kereta merahku itu. Katanya lagi dia berbau busuk.

Argh pakcik tidak mengapa. Boleh ku cuci nanti. Aku tak kisah. Setelah ku pujuk-pujuk dia masuk juga. Tika kakinya melangkah ke dalam keretaku aku lihat ramai orang bertepuk tangan. Orang di kedai makan berhadapan stesen bas itu. Aku menyampah. Dalam akalku terbit 1001 persoalan. Mengapa mereka tidak membantu pakcik itu. Sanggup mereka biarkan dia berjalan berseorangan. Menggadai nyawanya untuk ke seberang. Walaupun dia sudah tua tidak bermakna nyawanya untuk dipersia. Argh manusia kamu berhati binatang.

Dalam perjalananku, ku bertanya dari mana untuk ke mana. Pakcik itu senyum. Dia bercerita kisah hidupnya. Aku sebak. Menurutnya, hari-hari dia akan seberang jalan itu untuk ke seberang. Mencari kotak-kotak serta apa sahaja untuk dijual. Duitnya nanti akan digunakan untuk membeli makanan. Dia tinggal di rumah usang yang hampir roboh. Atapnya usang. Menunggu masa untuk rebah. Katanya lagi dia punya 3 anak. Tatkala itu, air matanya bergenang. Anaknya semua lelaki. Semua berjawatan besar. Seorang jurutera, seorang doktor dan seorang juruwang. Aku terkesima. Ke mana mereka? Dia kata anaknya sibuk sejak berkeluarga mereka sudah lupa akannya. Aku turut menahan tangis. Rutin hariannya hanya memungut barang yang boleh dijual. Dulu berdua sekarang bersendirian. Isterinya mati dilanggar lori.

Semasa sampai di seberang, aku ajak dia ke kedai makan. Dia menolak. Katanya, aku sudah banyak menolong. Kataku pula tak banyak bagi meredakan bebannya. Aku juga seorang insan biasa. Mungkin ini saatnya satu hari masaku siapa tahu. Tak salah bagiku untuk berkongsi kasih sayang. Kami melangkah masuk ke dalam kedai. Aku lihat orang memandang sinis. Seorang pelayan membisikkan kepadaku mereka tidak melayan orang seperti pakcik itu. Aku marah. Lantas ku suruh panggilkan ketuanya. Aku ceraamahkan kepadanya mengenai kemanusiaan. Dia aku lihat terpempan. Kataku lagi mana nilai kemanusiaan?

Aku pergi ke kedai sebelah sambil memesan untuk bungkus. Aku tahu kami tidak dialu-alukan. Hatiku kesal. Bukan aku makan tak bayar. Bukankah dia manusia juga. Mengapa? Kami hanya makan di dalam kereta. Pakcik itu meminta maaf kerana telah memalukanku. Aku? Aku tidak malu pakcik. Mereka yang patut malu. Aku lihat manik yang ditahannya berderai. Aku hulurkan tisu. Dia mengelapkan airmatanya.

Katanya inilah pertama kali dia dilayan begitu baik. Tidak pernah lagi ada yang melayan dia begitu. Dia makan dengan gembira. Walaupun bagiku makanan yang kubelikan tidak seberapa. Sebungkus nasi lemak, sebungkus air milo dan beberapa ketul kuih. Dia menikmatinya. Kemudian selepas menghabiskan makanannya dia meminta diri. Aku memberi nasi lemakku yang satu lagi. Aku tak sentuh walau sedikit pun. Bukan aku geli tapi aku memang tak ada selera sejak demam ni.

Dia melihatku, menggeleng dan megucapkan terima kasih. Katanya lagi aku telah membuatnya gembira. Dia bersyukur. Aku pegang tangannya lantas kusangkutkan bungkusan nasi lemak itu dan menutupnya kembali. Dia mendoakan semoga aku dirahmati Tuhan. Hati kecil ku turut mendoakannya.

Sekarang bagi tahu aku, aku masih muda.
Aku baru tujuh belas.
Aku masih anak kecil.
Pengertian aku sedikit.
Aku ni makan garamnya baru sedikit.
Terangkan padaku wahai kamu.
Terangkan padaku.
Aku buntu.

Bagitahu aku apa itu manusia?
Bagitahu aku apa itu haiwan?
Apa beza aku dan pakcik itu,
Adakah aku manusia dan dia haiwan?
Mengapa layanan mereka padaku dan dia berbeza?
Terangkan padaku wahai kamu!
Aku keliru aku buntu.
Terangkan jelaskan padaku mengapa.

Pakcik tua itu uzur tidak bermaya?
Tidak kasihankah kamu padanya?
Atau hati kamu sudah mati!
Atau hati kamu sudah tidak ada cahaya nurani?
Berikan hatimu biar sini aku cuci.
Apa salahnya sampai dia kamu hina.
Apa salahnya sampai dia kamu cerca.
Dia bukan anjing kurap atau aku yang buta.
Aku keliru aku buntu.Terangkan jelaskan padaku mengapa.

Aku amat pasti dia manusia,
Punya akal punya harga diri dan punya hati!
Atau aku jugakah yang salah menilai?
Dia compang camping tempang jua,
Tapi aku dia ada bedanya?
Dia padaku tak buat salah.
Haruskah kau cerca haruskah kau hina?
Aku keliru aku buntu.Terangkan jelaskan padaku mengapa.

Mereka kata aku masih muda,
Aku tak kenal dunia,
Manusia ini jangan kau percaya,
Banyak mereka menagih simpati dengan berdusta,
Buat baik biar bertempat bukan semborono,
Nanti susah merana diri,
Jadi oleh itu aku salah tempat buat baik?
Aku keliru aku buntu.Terangkan jelaskan padaku mengapa.

Pada mataku ini yang aku lihat,
Kamu sama bezanya dengan binatang,
Mulia lagi pakcik itu,
Kamu yang rasa dirimu itu terhormat,
Lihat sejenak benarkah kamu terhormat?
Ini cermin aku beri sila ambil cermin diri!
Adakah aku salah tafsir apa itu kemanusiaan?
Aku keliru aku buntu.Terangkan jelaskan padaku mengapa.

Aku rasa aku betul tak salah,
Tapi aku tak pasti lagi kini,
Kamu lebih dulu garamnya dimakan,
Kamu pasti lebih tahu bukan?
Adakah aku yang salah bermadah?
Aku minta maaf kalau ya.
Aku hanya insan biasa.
Aku keliru aku buntu.
Terangkan jelaskan padaku mengapa.

Aku lemah salah hitungnya.

Wajah sedih kamu aku akan ingat. Deritamu akan aku ubati. Satu hari nanti!

Aku kecewa dengan manusia itu. Dunia ini aku lihat makin banyak nodanya. Aku aku menangisi hari ini. Pak cik tua lagi uzur bertahanlah. Aku doakan harimu supaya bermakna. Supaya ada insan mulia membantumu. Aku hanya mampu berdoa. Aku tak akan mungkin berhenti berdoa untukmu. Walaupun kita berlainan agama, walaupun kita warna kulitnya tidak sama, aku masih akan setia berdoa. Pakcik tua lagi uzur berbahagialah meniti harimu.

Kata Hati Ku...

2009-05-23T18:20:00.001+08:00

Tersedar aku dari mimpi,

Mimpi indah aku tadi,

Manik kecil turun basahi pipi,

Argh Tuhan aku tidak mengerti.

Aku tak patut lari,

Aku sepatutnya hadapi,

Kaku lesu dan tahan diri.

Tapi aku, aku lari.

Hati jangan kau menari,

Aku tak pasti,

Hati jangan kau menari,

Aku tak, aku tak pasti!

Hati jangan kau bisikkan dusta,

Fikiran ini kata tidak ada logiknya,

Hati biarlah ia pergi selamanya,

Fikiran ini kata ini logiknya ada.

Hati aku bukan sesiapa,

Dia hanya seseorang istimewa,

Hati aku bukan bidadarinya,

Kerana aku hanya insan biasa.

Aku tahu hati, kau luka,

Aku tahu hati, kau sengsara,

Aku tahu hati, kau sukakannya,

Aku tahu hati, kerana itu kebenarannya.

Hati jangan kau menari,

Aku tak pasti,

Hati jangan kau menari,

Aku tak, aku tak pasti!

Mimpi kata dia orangnya,

Hati, diakah orangnya?

Argh jangan itu satu tipu daya,

Tapi hati kau tertipu jua.

Hati aku sudah pesan berhati hati,

Tapi kau kata argh aku benci menanti,

Hati jangan nanti kau luka lagi,

Aku malas cari dukun mengubati.

Hati aku tahu kau tak akan tipu,

Aku juga tahu otak tidak akan setuju,

Tapi aku tak mahu,

Hati jangan kau mati!

Mimpi berhambus kau pergi,

Aku tahu kau hanya main tarik tali,

Hati jangan mati lagi,

Tolong bangun dan senyum kembali.

Mimpi di siang hari. Aku pun tak tahu. Yang pasti nampak hati. Tidak ada kaitan dalam peribadi hidup ini. Kalau betul pun, aku je yang tahu. Jangan gosip gosip.Tak baik tahu.Kata hati ku, dia ada di sini. Siapa dia aku tak pasti. Ceh berangan lak Cik Xuen .

Skandal , Gosip Liar atau Kenyataan?

2009-05-22T17:40:00.000+08:00

Gelak + Menari = Gembira

Pagi tadi aku sebenarnya kalau tak ada apa-apa hal aku mahu je ponteng sekolah. Aku demam dan masih tak kebah. Dengan batuk, selesema,muntah, hidung darah semua cukup. Tapi aku gagahkan diri juga mahu ke sekolah. Gara-gara hari ini sebenarnya ada taklimat dan borang tukar aliran. Ya aku mahu tukar aliran ke sastera. Jangan gelak nanti aku sumbat kasut baru korang tahu. Mana taknya waktu matematik tambahan je aku sesak nafas. Hampir pengsan juga. Aku kalau sudah stress tahap dewa di ikuti perasaan meluap-luap dan hidung berdarah aku pasti pengsan. Jadi aku agak panik kalau hidung berdarah.

Masa datang tadi aku bawa kereta bukan mama tak nak hantarkan tapi aku tak tahu balik pukul berapa jadi malas susahkan mama. Dengan mengantuknya bawa kereta. Radio pasang kuat gila. Owh dengan cara itu baru tak mengantuk. Siap aku nyanyi sekali. Lagu ini. Masuk kelas aku masih nyanyi. Ceh, muka ceria aku memang tak menampakkan yang aku ni demamnya 38 C. Pagi pagi seperti biasa aku cakap selamat pagi dekat semua sambil senyum. Pastu menyemak dekat meja Yue Kit sambil curi kertas dia letak atas meja Ana.

Dan seperti biasa aku dan Yue Kit akan bergurau senda, memekak. Dan hari ini dia ambil pen aku. Jadi aku terpaksa kejar dia kalau tak mesti dia letak dekat maje budak lelaki Melayu tu. Segan la aku. Hisy. Aku tak larat dan aku rasa mahu nangis je. Pastu aku buat bodoh dan duduk tempat aku. Waktu itu, aku rasa dah nak pengsan. Aku pun buat je kerja aku guna pen Moiira. Yue Kit tengok aku macam tu dia terus letak balik pen aku. Sambil minta maaf kat aku. Bila aku cakap tak apa dia nampak musykil. Dia duduk dekat tempat dia. Lepas itu, dia hulur Moiira kertas suruh pas dekat aku. Aku baca dan aku rasa lawak nak mati. Aku pusing sambil gelak-gelak. Azureen atau Oren cakap aku dan Yue Kit macam couple. Otak ko! Masa tu, muka si Yue Kit dah merah. Lagi galk la kena usik dan gosip. Ceh lalu aku hanya cakap teman tapi mesra SAHAJA. Aku single dan available tahu.

Masa rehat jumpa si Shin Chan. Teruja amat aku. Dan buat pertama kali dia panggil aku Adilah bukannya Xuen. Bila aku tanya dia mimpi apa malam tadi. Dia cakap dia mimpi aku sampai basah. Ceh, aku serius dia loyar buruk pulak. Sampai kelas sahaja tiba tiba aku dengar kawan aku syok habis cakap aku ada apa-apa dengan Shin Chan. Ada apa? Aku pun tak faham. Cik Xuen tak faham ke buat-buat tak faham? Aku biar aja mulut orang bukan boleh tutup pun. Masa aku nak belajar sikit-sikit ada sahaja orang yang nak jumpa aku. Mula la aku rasa nak naik angin. Tapi tak jadi sebab yang nak jumpa aku tu Abang Form 6. Kacak habis muka ada mirip-mirip Korea. Dia cakap aku dipilih untuk jadi ahli komuniti Tingkatan 6 Bawah. Pelik gila dia tahu nama aku. Bila aku tanya macam mana tahu nama dia senyum la pula. Bukan nak bagi tahu.

Bila aku balik tempat boleh pula si Yue Kit, Fiza dan Moiira buat gosip aku ada skandal dengan dia. Apa kes? tadi cakap aku skandal dengan Yue Kitlah pastu si Shin Chan lah, Si Ching Hwa la, apa kes korang! Hahaha tapi aku layan je. Aku pun tumpang sekaki menggedik buat buat macam suka. Si Yue Kit boleh pula cakap nanti dia dapat madu. Woi, aku ni perempuan la ngok. Kahwin sorang je cukup. Bukan kahwin 4. Hahaha. Ada juga kata itulah kenyataan bahawa aku suka kat mereka tapi sahaja buat tak faham pula. Ada yang tanya direct.

Jawapan aku?

No komen. <-- Ada style selebriti kan... Nah bakul muntah..Hahaha

My Father's Gift

2009-05-21T17:20:00.003+08:00

He refused to let one moment of terror hold me back!

When I was three years old, my daddy bought me a bike. A tricycle to be exact. I was happy back then. The bike was extraordinary beautiful. It has small basket in front of it where I use to put my Barney Saurus. It has a bell that goes Kring...kring when I ring it. All the kids wooed me when I pass by. It was exciting to have something that people are envy of. I was so proud of it. But I never ride. I am too scared to ride on it. So everyday I will only walk beside it.

One day we went to a beach. I bring along my bike and also my Barney Saurus. Back then my dad was a navy. He and few others were stationed there to provide security. It must have been lonely working there. Ayah as I called my father would stay at the staff house near the old hospital during his three-day shift. He had only little crabs and seagulls that roamed the island to keep him company. The coast guard patrol boat would drop there once a while and some local fisher folk would drop by for an afternoon nap.

I hadn’t started school yet, so my father would sometime take me along with him while he was working. I cherished those moments dearly. Although practically marooned on the island with no playmates, I was never short of toys because the ocean swept up a lot of stuff, mostly other people junk, which I found very interesting and useful or just drag my bike around. I was happy and contented.

Each morning upon waking, I would run to the shore to see what treasures the tide had brought during the night. My previous collection included a toy car, a doll without leg, and assortments of rubber and plastic balls. I stored them in my treasure chest- an ice cream container that I had scooped out of the waves one morning. One day I saw a beautiful white boat. It was made out of carved Styrofoam material and had a transparent plastic sail. It was perfect.

I was mesmerized as I watched the wind blow the sailboat towards the shore. My heart thumped with an excitement as I ran to retrieve it before it was swept away again. As I held it in my hand, I vowed never to lose it. I proudly show it to my Ayah, who was happy enough to see me enjoying myself, although he warned me not to go into the water again without him.

One day, I was floating my boat on the water, carefully staying near the shore where my father was watching, when he remembered that he need to take my medicine. He instructed me to come back to the shore for a moment before he rushed into a nearby hut where he left my Sesame Street bag. I started towards the shore as I saw my father turn away. But when I reached out to get the boat, a soft wind caught its sail and pushed it away from me. I took a couple of step towards it. But the current that my movement created kept propelling the boat further away.

I watched in horror as my boat floated out of reach. I was determined not to lose it. In one huge step, I stretched my arm as far as I could go and strained to grab the boat, but I missed and plummeted into the ocean, not realizing how deep the water was and forgetting that I could not swim. I was enveloped in seawater. I paddled and kick hard, trying to remain above the surface, but the water was just too deep, the current too strong and my body too weak too fight. I felt myself sinking to the bottom. I gasped for air, but only salty water filled my throat and nostrils. Then I passed out.

When my father emerged from the hut, he was horrified to see me trashing in the water some distance from the shore. He dived in and swam as hard as he could to the spot where I had gone under. He repeatedly dived under the water, frantically searching for my body.

Then his hand brushed against my hair. He grabbed it and yanked my head out of the water. He pulled me to shore and started mouth-to-mouth resuscitation. I came to soon enough and vomited a large amount of salty water. I opened my eyes to see my father crying. I had never since, seen him cry so hard.

I loved you, Daddy! I love you!

In the day that followed, I was so traumatized that I would not go near the water. My little boat was gone, but I did not miss it. I stay inside and played with my bike and Barney Saurus again. One day, my father, worried that incident would scar me for life, took me to the waters’ edge and urged me to go in with him. Though scared, I went in because I trusted him. After all, he had saved me from drowning.

In the following weeks, my Ayah taught me how to swim. But I was too scared still so I just swim using the float. When I was confident enough, he took me to the sea and challenged me to jump in. I knew that the water was deep, but I was not looking at it. I was looking at my father, who showed great faith and confidence in me.

He told me that I could do it, and in my heart I believed him. I plunged into the ocean and swam back to shore. I was exhilarated. As my Ayah proudly looked on, I knew I had overcome my fear. I felt so grown up, like a real girl.

I grew up loving the ocean like never before. More than that, I realized that obstacles and hardships are a normal part of my life. They are meant to be overcome so that we can cherish the victories and make the most of lesson learned.

Today, as I am I have learned not to give up easily. I continually aspire to stretch my creativity beyond my imagination, like swimming in the ocean with great sense of freedom.

At these moments, I always remember what my father said when he brought me to the ocean after the traumatized day. “You can do it, Hun!”

A real story. That little girl is me. Daddy you are my hero and will always be. I love you. An entry for Khairil contest . Why you should pick me as a winner? Because being a winner is an amazing feeling. But as i said earlier, I realized that obstacles and hardships are a normal part of my life. They are meant to be overcome so that we can cherish the victories and make the most of lesson learned. I don't want a domain name but since you insist its going to be cranberrylust.com . Why i chose cranberrylust.com? Its easy i lust for cranberry. Its my obsession and sexy. Lolx.

Ceria Bak Pelangi

2009-05-20T17:40:00.001+08:00

Amaran: Entri yang gila gila dan penulis lupa makan ubat rasional dia. Dan lawak tut Shin Chan

Gila-Ubat= Ceria

Pergi ke sekolah hari ini walaupun demam panas sangat. Huhu. Tinggi gila 38.5. Patutlah aku rasa hot hari ini. Sampai ramai yang mahu tanya nama dan kelas. Yang peliknya budak itu pun umur lebih muda dari aku. Hahaha tapi tak apa aku pagi pagi akan berjalan macam atas karpet merah. Melambai dan kemudian menjawab soalan penting dari wartawan sambil senyum manja sain autograph dan tidak lupa untuk buat pose yang menarik. Okay situasi sebenar. Berjalan di koridor sambil senyum dekat semua orang yang aku terserempak sama ada kenal atau tidak, melambai kepada yang jauh tapi kenal, jawab soalan budak lelaki yang tanya nama, tolong dia jawab soalan matematik dan berhenti untuk melihat pandangan. Hahaha

Masuk je kelas, nampak si Bainun dan si Ayu. Dengan girang aku cakap bonjour, tout le monde. je t'aime. Sumpah dia orang blur. Lepas aku terangkan maksud dia selamat pagi semua. I love you. Mereka gelak-gelak sambil perli adakah aku mimpi Eiffel Tower malam tadi? Pasti ni badi letak iklan gambar Joe yang ada Eiffel Tower itu. Hahaha. Lepas tu, nampak Yam Yue Kit. Ketua kelas aku yang amat berdedikasi orangnya. Dia duduk belakang aku. Sepuluh kali sekejap dalam seminit aku pasti kacau dia sambil tanya soalan bodoh. Dan aku dapat jawapan bodoh gak -_-"
Lepas itu, aku nampak Tay Lai Kit yang ala-ala Patrick dalam Spongebob itu. Huh, dia tinggi amat. Benci aku. Aku pergi ambil pen Lai Kit sorok dalam pensel si Yue Kit. Hahah kesian si Lai Kit asyik cari pen sebatang dia. Last-last dia pau si Akram. Aku tak berdosa.

Masa MUET aku dengan teruja baca Readers Digest. Lepas itu, kat dalam ada la ruangan lawak dan aku berkongsi dengan Yue Kit yang tatkala itu sedang sibuk buat Additional Mathematic. Si Yue Kit cakap lawak aku baca dekat dia lucah. Kepala otak ko Yue Kit! Mana ada. Dahlah cakap lucah siap bantai gelak gegak satu kelas. Nak sahaja aku sepak tapi karang jatuh la pula saham.Kuikuikui. Aku tengok waktu itu, Moiira seriyes nak mati buat kerja. Sekali tengok dia tengah melukis. Lagi hampeh. Aku pula merayap kat tempat orang sambil baca benda yang aku rasa menarik. Masa itu aku baca tiba-tiba aku nampak Abang Payung F6 atas itu. Aku pun dengan seronok melambai dekat dia sampai terpijak kaki Akram. Nasib mamat tu tak mengamuk. Kalau tak masak aku. Dan yang paling best baca dekat si Farhana dia cakap suara aku sexy. Bangga diri kejap. Pastu aku tanya adakah dia lesbian dia bantai gelak sebakul. Apalah buat aku cuak je.

Masa Pengajian Am kena buat statistik. Dalam aku asyik gelak gelak sambil menyakat si Moiira akulah orang pertama siap. Perasaan sungguh sukar digambarkan bukan apa bangga. Hahha. Tapi yang tak berapa terseronok aku tercengang gila bila dengar Cikgu Pak tu cakap. Bukan apa dia cakap Bahasa Melayu laju sangat. Nganga aku beb nganga. Siap dia cakap boleh masuk sekumpulan gajah. Ceh! Tahu apa pasal subjek dia best? Sebab dia lawak dan dia suruh warna statistik. Owh, aku tak bawa warna dan dengan tak malu aku pau warna Yue Kit. Dia bawa warna Luna yang ada 24 batang. Seronok weyh Tuhan je yang tahu. Aku warna dengan perasaan gembira sesangat. Dan aku sempat lukis gambar kucing bagi kat si Yue Kit. Masa lukis tu sebenarnya teringatkan entri kucing si Bu Boyz yang panggil aku Gu Gurlz. Sumpah aku tak ada kerja waktu itu.

Waktu rehat aku tak makan pun. Demam tak ada selera. Aku pergi koperasi tunggu Shin Chan datang. Shin Chan cakap nak datang semalam. Haha. Sambil sembang dalam Mandarin dengan Ketua Kelas Shin Chan yang amat kacak. Seronoklah sembang dengan dia. Yang tak best tu apa pasal dia tu tinggi gila. Terasa aku pendek. Shin Chan tak habis habis buat aku gelak. Boleh buat lawak lucah mangkuk yang pasal nama dia.

Kok la my name not Shin Chan! You know cock as in cockerel. Kukuku<--bunyi ayam. And chin dagulah dagu and Siang. Sekarang ni siang la. Bukan siang itu guna untuk kerat ikan ke ;p Hahaha. Yelah yelah boleh juga ma. Xuen ni nakal la. Aku tak nakal aku baik je . I have teka teki for you. What happen if someone Siang the cock?

Huh? Apa teka teki bodoh pula ni Shin Chan. Tak tahulah jawapan dia.-_-''

Kalau Siang Cock matilah manusia. Dia tak ada Cock ma. Hahaha

Hahaah. Kau lagi kotor dari aku mangkuk la Shin Chan.

MangCOCK la Xuen.

Hahaha.

Kawan dia boleh cakap kita orang dua sengal. Huh? Mana ada ni mood gembira la gembira! Hahahah. Masa nak balik kelas dia hantar aku. Padahal jalan ke kelas dia dekat bangunan lain. Dia beli buku kat koperasi. Selambe je dia koyak muka surat dalam bagi aku. Dia tulis satu nombor telefon. Aku seronok la mana tahu nombor telefon dia. Bila aku tanya bila boleh telefon dia cakap bila-bila masa. Tapi dia cakap telefon je sekarang. Aku pelik tak akan la dia bawah telefon bimbit pula?

Masa dia jalan balik ke kelas dengan muka yang sengal habis buat aku gelak macam bodoh je dia cakap itu nombor hospital sakit jiwa.

Ceh, hampeh tul Shin Chan. Kau lah sakit jiwa bagi aku pula nombor itu. Haiz.. Hahaha

p/s: Banyak sangat gelak entri ini. Sila gelak bersama-sama ya! Sharing is Caring. Haha

p/s/s: Sesiapa mahu nombor Rumah Sakit Jiwa jangan malu malu minta okay. Xuen tak makan orang. Cuma gigit sahaja. Hahahahahahahahhahahahahahhahahah

Air dan Canal..

2009-05-19T16:06:00.003+08:00

Hari ini semangat sungguh aku pergi sekolah. Tak ada kena mengena dengan hari semalam. Harap maklum. Aku hari hari sangat bersemangat walaupun demam panas gila. Mungkin sebab utama Bu Boyz menyakat aku malam tadi. Faire fuir fantome!( Aku takut hantu!) Telah menunjukkan pocong. Ceh!Avoir de la fievre. ( Sudah demam sekarang)

Hari ini aku sudah bersusah payah membuat AddMath bangga gila sebabnya aku tahu buat. Cik Xuen soalan senang kau tak tahu buat bodohlah tu. Sila tunggu tengok midterm nanti ko boleh perform tak? Ceh, hati tahu saja nak buat aku tak riak! Dalam kelas Kimia, fuh subject kegemaran aku ini. Aku tanya banyak gila soalan. Ambil nota dan perhatian gila. Kawan-kawanku dekat dalam kelas pun pelik tengok aku. Mana taknya datang je pagi-pagi tadi telah menyetan. Sampai hati dia orang panggil aku setan? Tsk tsk tsk... Aku setakat kacau dan memekak dan bersembang bagai nak rak ja. Cikgu Kimia tu siap datang tempat aku tanya apa yang aku faham tatkala rakan sekelasku dah nganga serta buat muka boring amat. Suka sangat bila dia puji nota dan kefahaman aku.

Di kelas Biologi, yang ini lagi dahsyat. Kawan panggil pun tak dengar. Maaf, Moiira saya tak sengaja. Sampai satu waktu Biologi dia merajuk gara-gara aku tak dengar dia panggil. Padahal dia duduk sebelah aku sahaja. Maaf lagi sekali Moiira! Cikgu Asyikin tanya banyak soalan. Seronok gila aku. Terasa nikmat belajar. Argh..lega. Masa kuiz sekejap tu aku dapat duduk nombor dua. Aku memang aggresif nak jawab. Masa tu aku angkat tangan tinggi-tinggi dan sambil lompat-lompat. Hahaha aku memang keanak-anakkan sikit.

Masa tu, cikgu tanya apa yang kamu tahu mengenai air. Aku pun jawab water make it easy for food to pass down the alimentary canal. Ye kat kelas tu aku rasa aku seorang je yang hidup. Yang lain diam je. Dah macam kat kubur tahu. Senyap sunyi. Aku benci gila. So aku pun cakaplah. Pastu senyum gila manis kat cikgu. Cikgu boleh pula cakap " Hah, Adilah fikir benda lain la tu. Sengih sengih tak pasal-pasal ni." Semua orang tengok aku dan baru faham maksud cikgu. Mereka ingat aku fikir pasal CANAL tu. Mana ada. Sumpah tak ada langsung! Pastu aku pun jawablah kat cikgu " Tak ada tak ada, mana ada saya fikir apa-apa. Cikgu janganlah jatuhkan saham saya, rugi saya nanti." Mereka gelak gelak tahap histeria.

Hisy siapa yang kuning sekarang ini? Mereka la kan? kan? Hahahah.. Masa waktu Pengajian Am sah sah aku kena sampuk dengan hantu gila banyak cakap. Aku asyik memberikan pendapat. Husy, semua orang pula stress tengok aku yang energy kelihatan banyak itu. Tapi selepas itu, aku bagi peluang orang lain pula bercakap bukan apa aku sebenarnya rasa demam makin panas. Masa nak sampai kat kereta itu, kena ganggu dengan budak lelaki yang nampak macam mafia mana aku tak pasti. Muka dah kacak tu tak payah la buat kerja jahat. Haiz.Balik tu, aku cepat cepat masuk kereta terus balik rumah. Pecut habis. Kejar apa pun aku tak tahu. Yang pasti aku pening gila tahap karma.5 minit je dah sampai.

Sampai rumah ingat nak makan, dah letak dah pun makanan, tengok tengok belum sempat masuk perut aku muntah. Maaf menggelikan. Dan di saat entri ini dipublish aku masih lagi muntah dan belum makan. Malang alimentary CANAL aku dapat menjamah air sahaja buat waktu ini. Demam demam demam. Tak best langsung demam ini. CANAL lain sakit juga.
T_T. Mungkin tak ada entri besok. Tapi akan usaha jugalah kerana aku rindu blog ini.

Ok, aku mahu makan ubat. Sekian, harap maklum.

Baju Dalam Merah..

2009-05-18T17:20:00.001+08:00

Amaran keras: Lelaki tidak diwajibkan baca entri ini. Illustrasi gambar mungkin mendatangkan reaksi yang mencemaskan. Jangan baca entri ini di pejabat atau di tempat yang akan mendatangkan masalah kepada diri sendiri.

Pagi ini hujan renyai -renyai. Langit menangis barangkali kerana hatiku masih luka. Awan hitam, pekat gelap dan hujan turun berderai-derai. Melimpah ruah tak terkata. Aku hanya bisa pandang sambil senyum, kelat. Enjin Rougue ku hidupkan. Rasa berat hati mahu melangkah. Apa daya aku gagahi juga. Bukan tak suka tapi malas ke sekolah. Ok, tipu aku suka pergi sekolah. Teruja tahu?

Dalam kereta aku menyanyi riang. Aku hari hari pun pasti senyum gelak dan bercakap. Ya, aku tak tahu tutup mulut. Lima minit pun aku rasa susah. Jangan ditanya mengapa kerana aku pun tak tahu jawapannya. Yang pasti aku benci bila mulut ini tak buat senaman. Apa apa pun masa aku letak kereta aku, aku sengaja letak di tepi kereta Ling Cyn Loong. Amat kacak okay. Pagi- pagi dah menggatal ya Cik Xuen. Mimpi basah malam tadi. Haha

Aku terpaksa jalan dalam 5 minit dari tempat parkir ke sekolah. Dengan girangnya aku berjalan sambil memegang payung merah kuning. Fuh Manchester United ni. Haha dan yang paling seronok dalm perjalanan itu, aku telah berkongsi payungku dengan seorang abang. Dia Tingkatan 6 atas. Yelah, tak kan kut nak bagi dia basah dalam hujan itu. Tapi kalau dia basah mesti aku dapat cuci matalah. Hensemlah dia. Tapi hati tak tegar bagi dia basah. Jadi aku pun tawarkan la payung aku. Dia amat tinggi. Jadi dia pegangkan payung itu. Aku tak ingat nama dia apa. Yang pasti dia boleh tahan orangnya. Aku tak gatal okay normal la tu puji puji. Sampai di koridor kami berpecah, dia senyum dan ucap terima kasih. Seronok buat baik tahu?

Masa rehat aku teman Moiira ambil borang tukar aliran. Sambil sambil itu, senyum dekat semua orang semanis mungkin. Dan kalau nampak yang kenal cakaplah hi dan sembang sebakul. Haha. Lepas itu, ada seorang budak lelaki bagi sekeping kertas. Katanya buat aku. Aku baca dengan teruja mana tau peta harta karun ka? Cik Xuen jangan merepek boleh? Tengok tengok dari dia. Dia cakap suruh tunggu dia. Ada benda best nak tunjuk dekat aku. Harta karun tu beb! Haha

Dia pun turun dari kelas sambil buat simptom gila lawak dia tu. Kami sembang sembang dan gelak bagai nak rak. Sumpah dah macam orang gila je kalau tengok. Peduli apa? Haha. MAsa dah habis sembang dia bawa aku kt satu kelas, kata dia mahu tengok kawan dia. Aku ikut jelah. Aku ni kan follower yang baik. <--puji diri sendiri sebab tak ada yang mahu puji. Haha. Sampai di kelas itu dia tunjuk seorang amoi cantik. Dia tunjuk kearah baju kurung amoi itu. Aku mula-mula tak terperasan. Yang aku perasan ialah banyak sangat lelaki dekat kelas itu. Dia gelak-gelak dan barulah aku sedar yang dia sedang gelakkan baju budak yang basah sampai menampakkan baju dalam merahnya. Aku pun naik hantu. Agak- agaklah tak kan tunjuk tu kut? Tunjukla benda yang interesting sikit. Setakat itu aku pun ada macam-macam warna kat rumah. Dia kemudian geleng-geleng dan tunjuk ke kain perempuan itu. Baru aku perasan rupanya G-string budak itu sudah tercabut. Dan kaki dia tersangkut. Keadaan itu amatlah kelakar. Dan ada sepasang bikini set di atas meja budak perempuan itu.

Xuen, kamu tahu dia jual bikini tau?

Apa kena mengena dengan saya?

Tak ada yang mahu merah itu atas meja. Sebab terlalu kecil.

Owh. Jomlah balik kelas. Tak ada apa apa yang best pun

Eyh awak nak tak saya belikan. Saiz dia kecil sangat sebab tu tak ada yang beli

Woi, perli nampak. Nampak ni? *sambil tunjuk tapak tangan

Hahahah, gurau jelah. Dia bawa benda itu datang sekolah la. Kena marah sama itu cikgu.Tapi dia banyak sexy kan? Dalam baju kurung boleh nampak baju dalam banyak merah. Xuen, awak rasa dia pakai seluar dalam warna apa?

Hahah. Kalau dia pakai putih pun boleh jadi merah ma. Apa susah le?

Tak faham la awak ni Xuen. Banyak aneh la.

Kalau dia datang haid boleh tukar warna merah ma.

Hahahaha. Banyak kotor awak punya otak ey?

Lupa cuci ma. Apa boleh buat? Jomlah balik kelas.

Sampai kelas aku, dia tanya satu soalan yang aku rasa sungguh erk. Awak rasa dia datang bulan tak? Hahahha. Kau memang lawak la SC. Aku suka kau. Nanti kita melencong cari benda bodoh tengok dan buat bahan nak tak?

Aku syak amoi itu mahu kelihatan begini ketika mandi kolam dan apa sahaja yang ada air. Haha

p/s: Kepada perempuan jangan pakai baju dalam warna terang nak mati. Pakailah singlet kalau memakai baju kurung.

p/s/s: Patutlah aku tengok budak lelaki kelas aku amat ceria hari ini. Aku dah tahu kenapa. :p

Hatiku Sakit...

2009-05-17T23:56:00.002+08:00

Hati aku sakit
Hati aku menangis
Hati aku tak kuat
Hati aku luka

Hati aku ubatnya hilang
Hati aku banjir bah
Hati aku bukan besi
Hati aku bandagenya hilang

Air mata tak terkenang
Air hingus sudah bergantang
Air mandi tak basah
Air tangan tak tertelan

Air hujan turun berderai
Air kolam penuh tak tumpah
Air akuarium huh cukup tuk ikan
Air jamban heh untuk komersial cukup!

Aku tak marah
Aku hanya cakap
Aku punya suka
Aku punya hati

Aku kata kau boleh pergi
Aku tak perlu simpati
Aku tak akan mati
Aku hanya sakit hati

Pernah aku usik kau?
Pernah aku hina kau?
Pernah aku maki kau?
Pernah aku cabul hak kau?

Tak tak tak tak

Kau usik aku
Kau hina aku
Kau maki aku
Kau cabul hak aku

Ya ya ya ya

Salah siapa?
Aku atau kau?
Hati aku sakit!
Kau ada kisah ke?

Ini kawan?
Jangan buat palat.
Jangan hipokrit!
Aku tahu BM aku tak hebat!

p/s: Kau terasa? Ya, Kau barangkali yang aku maksudkan. Terima kasih! Untuk pelajaran hari ini dan semalam, kau buat aku terpempan! Kini aku tahu siapa kawan siapa lawan. Tidak akan ku sia-siakan air mataku untuk kau,perempuan!

Hari Yang Penuh Dengan Gelak Tawa..

2009-05-15T16:50:00.001+08:00

Di sekolah, aku telah pergi beramah mesra dengan semua orang. Sangat gembira kerana ramai kawan. Setiap kali mesti aku akan lambai mereka dan kalau boleh ciuman dan pelukan mesra<-- bertuahkan jadi kawan aku. Silalah cemburu ..hahaha. Aku sangat sangat gembira. Bukan apa kawan baru dunia baru maklumat baru. Semua baru tapi teman lelaki baru tak ada ya! Masalahnya teman lelaki pun tak ada macam mana mahu teman lelaki baru..Haha..

Aku akan belajar di kelas Biologi 2. Aliran Sains. Aku sukakan subjek Sains tapi masalahnya bukan AddMath. Aku pun tak tahu kenapa. Masa di Tingkatan 4 aku telah bercinta sedaya upaya dengan AddMath tetapi tak berjaya. Sama juga di Tingkatan 5. Aku amat berdedikasi dan bekerja lebih kuat, tapi aku gagal. Akibatnya aku fobia dengan AddMath. Aku tak pasti aku sanggup hadapi F6. Ya Allah tolonglah hambamu ini. Aku juga tidak akan putus asa. Akan ku cuba habis- habisan.

Masa berada di kelas, aku tetiba berasa fobia yang amat sangat. Aku pusing kiri aku pusing kanan. Argh menakutkan sangat. Banyaknya Melayu dalam kelas ini. Macam mana nak cakap ni? Aduh mengapalah harus begini? Tak apa, jangan takut. Aku pergi bertemu ramah dan bercakap dengan budak yang boleh bercakap Bahasa Inggeris dan Bahasa Cina. Ada seorang budak Melayu ni bila kuperkenalkan diri dia kata " Kamu ni, tak reti cakap Bahasa Melayu ke? Gedik je aku tengok nak speaking!" Aku terkesima dan aku hanya mampu terkebil-kebil. Satu penghinaan sangat aku rasa. Tapi kemudian aku bercakap Bahasa Melayu dengannya. Aku cuba berbasa basi dengannya tapi di akhirnya dia suruh aku cakap Bahasa Inggeris juga. Dia tak faham. Huh

Balik itu aku bersembang dengan Clara Ling, Chiong Hoe Sieng, Chun Yan,Yam Yu Keat, Bee Chiaw Woon dan Kok Chin Siang. Yang paling syoknya, Kok Chin Siang. Dia amat kelakar. Masa dia memperkenalkan dirinya, dia memberitahu :

Nama saya Kok Chin Siang. You know Kok as in C-O-C-K. Sambil tangan buat aksi erk malas mahu cakap. Tapi apa- apa pun panggil saya Boy Boy ya! I got ONLY 10As. My ambition. Erm i dont think i want to be a doctor because i may kill thousang of lives instead of saving them. And if i be a teacher i will kill 3 generations of youth. Haha so i want to be comedian instead. And i am single and available. *wink wink* ke arahaku depan podium. Sungguh mangkuk. Semua asyik gelak.

Dia memang sangat kelakar. Semulajadi dan bukan di buat-buat. Aku panggil dia Shin Chan. Haha dia kadang-kadang gila dan gatal. Semalam aku cakap dengan dia 2jam tanpa henti. Bahasa Inggeris rojak Bahasa Melayu dan Bahasa Cina. Kelakar habis. Topik apa? Macam- macam ada<-- tidak berniat mahu promosikan Astro ya. Aku tak ada pun Astro ni. Haha. Sedang seronok sembang ada seorang cikgu lalu dan cakap dekat si Shin Chan itu akhirnya dia dah menemui pasangan yang boleh tahan dengan lagaknya yang gila itu sambil memandang ke aku yang gelak tawa masih bersisa. Aku hanya senyum. Hari ini dia buat aku ketawa. Samapai sakit perut aku tahan. Masalahnya dia duduk berdepa-depa jauh dari aku. Dia di kawasan lelaki aku di kawasan perempuan. Gila kan? Tapi aku suka. Kok Chin Siang saya suka awak. Erk punya lawak. Hahahahah p/s: Bahasa Melayu aku mempunyai loghat Bahasa Inggeris dan Bahasa Cina juga. Dan bagus di atas kertas SAHAJA. Percakapan kalau anda bernasib baik dapatlah dengar Bahasa Melayu yang betul. Ianya bermusim. Harap maklum.

Mother and Recipe for Love, Daddy and Little Me..

2009-05-13T21:56:00.006+08:00

It all began on a quiet Saturday afternoon. I was staring at my computer screen, which was as blank as my mind, wishing that some fabulous idea would pop into my head and render me capable of producing Joe essay competition. Then suddenly…

“Xuen! How many times have I told you not to use computer for so long? Don’t you care about you eyesight? Now go and rest!” Mother’s piercing voice shot out from the kitchen.

Groaning, I eased myself out of my chair and proceeded into the kitchen. Sure enough as I expected, mother was making dumplings. Rows and rows of delicate dumplings sat on a sea of aluminum foil, like little snow white rafts about to set off on a journey.

I sat down beside mother and picked up a wrapper. Looking to her for approval, I saw beads of perspiration beginning to form on the front of her forehead. “Yes, that’s a good girl,” she said with a smile. ‘Do something useful instead of sitting at that computer all day.”

I wanted to defend myself, but managed to keep quiet. The consequences of rebutting an adult can be horrifying. Instead, I sat silently as I applied the filling and finished each dumpling off with a clumsy pinch. After finishing ten dumplings or so, I wasn’t very happy with my handiwork.

“Don’t you think they are mutated?” I asked mother jokingly. “Almost as if they come out of a…oh, a doughnut mould!”

“Doughnut mould or not they are still dumplings,” Mother said in a tone graver than I expected. “They are your dumplings, and you should be proud of them.”

I was so surprised by her answer that I pinched the dumpling that I was holding onto a bit too hard. It now had a big dent in the middle, so it really did look like a doughnut. Irritated, I made my way towards the wastepaper basket.

“No, don’t throw away. It doesn’t look like much but it will be tasty nevertheless.” Mother’s gaze was fixed on me.

I sat down with the dented dumpling, more frustrated than ever. Although I tried to continue my work, my eyes keep turning back to the “doughnut”. Stealing a glance at mother’s face I saw that she had stopped making dumplings. Her eyes was glazed over, and she wore and expression that I have never seen before.

“Do you remember when you were small?” Her voice had a dreamlike quality to it. “You were always coughing. Always had a high fever, always sick. Your father and I never had a moment of peace.”

I grinned. Mother often talked about me as an infant. I was weaker than other children my age, and my pathetic immune system nearly drove my parents mad with worry. Just to make thing worse, the constant change in the weather often causes me to catch flu which will then followed by coughing and fever. Always is. I can’t stay under too hot nor too cold places.

I remember asking my daddy an innocent question. Ok not. A naughty question back then. One day while walking through a park in Woodland and we pass two squirrels having sex. So I ask my dad, "Daddy, daddy, what are they doing?" Daddy responded, "They're making a sandwich." Then we pass two dogs having sex and I again ask what they were doing. My Daddy again replied they were making a sandwich. So I keep quiet, happy and contented with my Daddy answers. A couple of days later I walks in on my mother and father and said "Mommy, Daddy, you must be making a sandwich because, Mommy has mayonnaise all over her mouth! So for future Mom and Dad don’t lie to your kid. Kid gets a little mix up all the time. Me especially. I am a kiddo. Lalala~

Mother seemed to be going into a trance. “At school, you were always told not to do this and that by your teacher. You will just sit quietly in corner watching other kids play. The other children scratch you, kicked you, snatched things from you, but you never had the courage to fight back. We were always worried about you and quiet relieve when you find yourself two protecting brothers. Richard and Stefan.”

I winced at the memory. Once I had taken my favourite toy Barney that I name Barney Saurus to the kindergarten. Classmates had swarmed around me, admiring it. I was ecstatic because of the attention. However, towards the end of the day, a tall strong girl had grabbed the Barney and claims it as her own. By that time Richard and Stefan were away to China so there is no one that can help me. When I finally summoned up the courage to tell Mother about this incident a few days later, I had expected her to comfort me. Instead, she had given me one of the worst telling-offs of my life.

As if reading my thoughts, Mother continued. “Do you know why I reprimanded you? It wasn’t because you did something wrong. We knew you were weak and vulnerable. In order for you to live happily, you have to learn how to defend yourself.”

Then it dawned upon me.

For all this years, I had thought that the scolding I had received was because I was useless and couldn’t protect my own belongings. Now I realized that it was meant to help me live a better life.

“Now look carefully at this bid ball of dough,” Mother said, pointing to the bowl. “That used to be me. Then I decided to sacrifice part of me for you.”

She plucked off a small piece of dough and flattened it with the rolling pin until it looked like a full moon.

“Now examine this wrapper.” She held up the rubbery sheet of dough. It fitted perfectly into the contours of her hand. “This was you when you were born, a fragile wrapper. At that time, even a squeeze could scar you for life.”

Mother loaded a tablespoon of filling inside the centre of the wrapper. “Then we started adding in filling: carrots, vegetables, mushrooms- all yummy and nutritional. We taught you values, tried to make you identify right from wrong and equipped you with all the skills you needed.”

The Barney Saurus.

“As a last move, we sealed our gift from God – with love”

She pinched the dumpling closed.

Thanks Mum for the lesson. Now your daughter was stronger braver and clever. I know there is always room for improvement and I will improve. I will never let you and Daddy disappointed. Thanks for bringing me to this world and taught me how to be a good daughter I am now. I love you guys lotsa and I will always do. You are the precious thing I had and I won’t trade you for anything in this world. You rock my world.